I understand your concerns and share them to some extent. The Bible calls Christians “servants” but is actually being kind; the word translated “servant” can also be translated as “slave”. As Christians, we are to be slaves to Christ and obey Him completely. Using this line of thought, my wife obeying me as I obey Christ is simple biblical logic because I am supposed to be in charge of my marriage. Wives are to be their husband’s help-meet and have to be told to be submissive in Ephesians because they won’t on their own. We as husbands have to be told to love them as Christ loves the church in the same passage because we won’t do it on our own.
My wife is a people pleaser, yet has never been worried or concerned with pleasing me because (according to her) she knew I wouldn’t leave regardless. Like seekenq, I’m using these to get her past sexual abuse by a family member. She is very submissive, but doesn’t like the term slave. She doesn’t mind the term servant. Talk to your wife and figure out where she is on the subject. We are working with the term servant for now, but she knows I want more than just a servant. As long as you are both involved and making the decision together as a couple, I’d say you are on solid, biblical ground.
I did probe about why she responded with “joy.” She said it just came to her as the appropriate response since obedience is commanded by God and obeying God is something in which to take joy. We both take are faith very seriously, so having a bit of biblical backup can only help us both in this. We are going to sit down tonight and work on the script together and hopefully record it tonight.
Another sexless week, but another breakthrough as well. (That seems to be the pattern for this…) I’ve been playing the custom subliminal every night, all night, right next to her. She woke up with a headache the first two days, but that passed quickly. One of the lines I got from the forum was “Obedience is joy.” When I asked her what obedience is, she immediately responded with “Joy.” We determined this week that her abusive past has given her a negative filter through which she views everything I say and do regarding sex. She’s never admitted or recognized this before. I suggested we write a custom script addressing her attitudes toward sex (specifically towards us discussing sex) and have her record it. She immediately agreed that would be a great way to start! I know these are working and they are having the desired effect. I’ve written a rough draft (which naturally had a bit too much for her on first glance – can’t blame a guy for trying!), but it needs some revision. I really do want her input so we have complete buy-in. Hopefully, we can hash it out tonight and record it tomorrow. I’ll keep you informed of our progress….
If anyone who reads this is getting tired of trying, don’t give up! I’ve been at this for over a year now, and have made significant progress. Keep in mind the sheer volume of crap you are dealing with in her head – abuse, old habits and attitudes, family attitudes and hang-ups, and so on – and keep at it. Believe me, there are days I just want to force the issue and go for broke, but I know that would be counterproductive in the long run and it is the long term I’m interested in.
My apologies for the lack of updates. My wife and I have gone from sex 3-4 times per year to 4-5 times per month in the last year! She has been much more submissive in and out of the bedroom, and seeks (and obeys!) my advice before acting on big decisions, both in our home and her career. There are still issues, but she is more and more willing to work through them. We have had four or five MAJOR breakthroughs in dealing with her abusive history, i.e., repressed memories, understand where her resistance to oral comes from, etc. I recently posted a testimonial and was granted prime membership (thank you, Trainer81!) and I’ve made my first recording in my voice. I chose my own voice instead of a computerized one simply because of the amount of talking we’ve done on these issues; she’s already used to hearing some of this stuff from me anyway, so why change it? I just started playing the subliminal I made this week – naturally, her period started on day 1 – so I will keep you posted on how it works.
On a side note, I want to thank all of you who have been so generous as to post your scripts here. Having never written something like this, it was much easier to do having read what more experienced men have written. I borrowed from several of you on this first attempt, and am deeply in your debt.
