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  • May 16, 2017 at 7:33 pm #0
    Posts: 32
    12/27/2014 at 1:46 am

    Guys, time for an update. Yesterday was my 50th birthday which made me all day rather depressed because it caused me to reflect on how i spend the last 20 years and what i want to with the coming years, so I guess i wasn’t great fun yesterday to be honest. But at the end of the day, it led to a very open talk with my wife on the root causes for my sexual insatisfaction, which has become the main driver for a lot of things in my behavior and our relationship. The fact that we could talk openly is a good thing, especially as i have a tendency to be very closed about my feelings. (Btw, i’ve started reading that book ‘No more mr nice guy’ that was mentioned somewhere else on this forum and it’s quite an eye opener).

    Before continuing on our chat, I want to remind you of what i’m trying to accomplish. For me it’s not just a matter of having an obedient wife and getting regular BJ’s. I have always been interested in kinky stuff, and for me this covers the whole range from watching porn together to experimenting with kinky stuff, and to experimenting with swapping and swinger clubs. My wife is aware of this need but doesn’t share it, which over the years has led to quite some arguments, and me spending a lot of time on internet watching porn and chatting in sexchats with her knowing that while she watches TV. She occasionally watches porn with me and on those occasions, she gets more hot and is more willing to be kinky, but in most cases she refuses to watch. She has also joined me a couple of times to swingerclubs (last time was 2 years ago), where she got hot from seeing the action but refuses to get actif with others. So basically, we went out in an erotic ambiance and had sex there in a quiet corner.

    To cut a long story short, because of my birthday she promised me to repeat that in a couple of weeks from now. I took that as an ideal opener to start an open talk on what i need for my sexual desires. Two main things came out of that. She told me that she’s absolutely not interested in having sex with another guy if we would go to a swingersclub again, although i’d really like to see that. She respects my needs but as she doesn’t share them, she actually even proposed me to look for another woman in my situation so that we could go out to swingerclubs together. To be honest, even though a lot of men would perhaps be enthousiastic about that, i don’t like it as i would feel guilty towards her, and because i see a danger of getting really involved with that other woman if we have a click. I need a partner that i can share everything with, not a partner that grants me permission to do my stuff, so getting involved closer on a regular basis with someone who shares the same sexual needs is a danger for the relation with my wife. Secondly, she told me that even if she gets hot from watching porn, she doesn’t want to watch it when there’s a risk of being discovered by our kids (which are 17 and 14 years old), so basically this means that she only feels comfortable to watch it when they are not at home, which almost never happens except in summer holiday.

    Now, i’ve always heard from others that one way to get your wife openminded for swinging and kinky sex is simply by watching more porn to get her more comfortable with the idea, but she clearly has a blocking issue with that especially when the kids are at home, so this is one of the first things to overcome. At the end of our long chat, we agreed that we have such different visions on sex and what we want to reach in our lives, that it’s very difficult for us to get out of it, and that perhaps we should try relationship/sexual councelling in order to find something that works for both of us.

    Perhaps this is a good thing, but at the same time, i’m wondering if subliminals could help overcoming what’s blocking her from being more openminded. From this talk we had, i’m no longer convinced that running subliminals on being submissive to me and getting BJ’s are the right approach. What do you guys think about this ? How would you try to solve this ?

    Posts: 32
    12/25/2014 at 2:03 am

    Hi Serebus, I was wondering how things were going for you right now. Especially since you seemed to have such fast results. Best seasons’s greetings

    Posts: 32
    12/21/2014 at 2:11 am

    Tap: when you say “lowering the decibel count to -35”, ‘m not certain that i understand it correctly. I do use Audacity to make my customs, and I follow the instructions given by trainer, with the exception that i reduce the volume with -17 as suggested and applied by some members here on this forum (I don’t recall if your’re one of them). Is this what you mean, or are you referring to another setting in audacity, like normallising or levelling ?

    My wife curently doesn’t have headaches. She experienced those beginning of this year when i started playing the files, but today she doesn’t mention this anymore.

    Apart from the living room where they are played on both my pc and her laptop, i mostly play them on my samsung galaxy s2 which is on my nightstand, so about 1 meter from her head. When i put my ear next to the speaker in the smartphone, i can hear the high piched squeeking, but lying in my bed on my side i can hear that only faintly. Sometimes i wonder if she can still pick something up on her side.

    Posts: 32
    12/20/2014 at 1:21 pm

    I find it very interesting that you insert those small silences inside your affirmations. Actually, i’m thinking about making a dutch copy of both your scripts because they seem to match with what i’m trying to accomplish. I’m not entirely convinced that the problem is that she is too dominant, as she’s always trying to please me, but without crossing her bounderies. Your script gives more focus on the need to please you and the need to do everything to accomplish that. Sounds as if it could also work in my situation.

    Posts: 32
    12/20/2014 at 1:13 pm

    No, it sounds pretty good and understandable actually. The only thing is that dutch doesn’t sound the same between “Holland” dutch and Belgian “flemish” dutch. We speak the latter but i have only been able to find a free version of a voice in “holland” dutch. So it doesn’t sound natural the way we speak. It’s as if someone from the other country would be speaking to us.

    I could of course try to make an english custom one, but then of course i first need to find the right voices to do that.

    Posts: 32
    12/20/2014 at 3:58 am

    A lot of reactions here of different nature, which makes it a bit difficult for me to react to all of them in a structured manner, as i’m trying to figure out what the most important messages are.

    First of all i have to say that indeed i’m not trying to do this with her consent, like i guess most of people here on this board. If it were up to my wife, she’s just happy with our situation. She’s married, we have two nice kids witht all their typical problems (like school…), i have a fine income, we live in a nice house, and i have never been too difficult except for the fact that I have always been open and clear about the fact that I would like more and especially more kinky sex, engage in swinging and so on. This is something she doesn’t share with me and that she considers to be signs of a sex addiction. Apart from that, she’s not very good in managing the household (keeping it clean in time, washing clothes, dishes, ..) and i must confess that i have never been constantly strict enough about that, so often she lets things pile up untill it becomes to much and then she gets into action. But all in all, she considers that our lives are perfect, even when i tried to discuss openly with her on what i need. The she responds by saying things like the grass is always on the other side of the hill, and that if i’m not happy that i should look for someone else, … regarding my wish to go swinging, she even told me at some point that i should then do that on my own. So, the way i see my options is either i learn to live with the situation, either we separate with all the fuzz and the problems it might cause for the kids, or either i try to change her into a wife that better matches my needs. Besides, despite the fact that we don’t match on the sexual side, there’s still a lot about her that i appreciate and still love her for, so it would be stupid to leave her just for the sex part, but on the other hand i’m really unhappy about the missing sex part in my life.

    There’s i think some confusion on her dominant attitude. This is definately a part of her character, but it mostly shows towards other people, like my family and our friends or other people. To me, although mostly she puts the kids on the 1st place, she nevertheless tries a lot to make me happy, like from time to time cooks stuff that i like, is very friendly and willing to please me, without however being submissive, but once again, this does not apply to the sex part. There it’s always the same arguments, that she prefers cuddling and stuff, where i want harder sex. Sometimes i’m afraid it’s a bit selfish, but when i’m horny, i’m a absolutely not in a mood to be pleased by just cuddling, then i want the hard sex first and afterwards we can still cuddle. But this has lead to a situation where i mostly watch porn on my pc in order to satisfy my needs and chat on sexchat sites, while she watches tv. It has also lead to a situation in which we sometimes only have sex once in 2 months.

    A couple of weeks ago, i wrote that i might be seeing the first signs of effect as after watching a sensual fragment in a tv episode, she got horny and gav me a real good BJ. After that, this hasn’t happened again however, so i thing it was a coincidence rather than a result of subliminals.
    So i’m still in the situation that my current files, that mostly focus on being submissive and a little bit of WCS, don’t show me real signs that she’s actually picking something up. I think that there’s indeed a possibility that her SC is resisting all messages that go against how she shees her perfect world.
    What’s more, the last couple of days she has started noticing the buzzing noise coming from my smartphone next to the bed, so i’ll have to turn down the volume a bit more to prevent her from becoming to suspicious. You can imagine that i’m getting a bit frustrated from not seeing any results. What i’m not sure about is the suggestion on making some custom subliminals in english in stead of dutch. Not sure if that would help if the dutch ones don’t work.
    Looking forward to your reactions.

    Posts: 32
    12/13/2014 at 5:16 am

    Do you mean that sometimes you pause the subliminals for some time ? How long ? Couple of days or longer ?
    Regarding your other question: it is indeed true that our friends are absolutely not kinky, actually to the point that we are both starting to feel more and more that they are kind of boring, also regarding the other stuff that we do together. The funny fact is that my wife thinks our friends are too stuck in their daily routine and not open enough to try new things. But in a way she does exactly the same thing, especially when it comes to sex.
    I’m also considering playing some help files on myself to develop more my dominant side.

    Posts: 32
    12/11/2014 at 3:23 am

    For the moment, i’m not really assuming that it’s starting to work, although it might be the case. Currently, The WCS files has been playing for weeks now, it has gone a bit to the background though two weeks ago as i then started to put more emphasis on the submissiveness and the convertor file. Question: do you think it makes sense to keep that convertor file running ? I see very mixed ideas on that on the forum and of course it means less exposure to the two submissive files and the WCS file. For the rest, i’m not planning any changes to the playlist.

    Posts: 32
    12/10/2014 at 11:55 pm

    Trying to answer your comments in their respective order.

    @ Tap: She does speak and understand english, but definately not as fluent as I do. Enough to have a conversation with someone however; we spend our summer in the USA this year and she had no problem understanding people in a general conversation, even though her own vocabulary is more limited. That’s why i’m hesitating a bit to have her listen to english versions, as their might be specific terms that she wil not understand. E.g. i’m not sure if terms like “submissive”, or in a sexual context “cum” will be understood by her, aand in that case she would just listen to them without understanding the meaning, which seems rather ineffective to me. But I could give it a try of course.

    @ Fizbin: not sure about the need to have things under control, because she’s not that much of a control freak to me; in fact she’s often more someone letting things on the loose, like in the household where she lets things like laundry pile up untill it becomes a problem and she has to do extra effort to catch up. It’s more that she has a certain vision about certain stuff, and she just expects everyone to have that same vision and act according to it. At the same time, that vision is very conservative/traditional, so people who have visions that are less conservative are considered as “abnormal”. That applies to a whole range of domains, like raising kids, alternative health care (like homeopaty), and obviously also sex.

    This being said, i do follow you when you say that besides the submissive part, i could also put more stress on accepting those other behaviors as normal. Do you know of any scripts that already work on that ? I don’t that I have encountered any like that before here on the forum.

    Funny thing happened though yesterday. We were watching house of cards and it ended with a rather erotic scene. When we went to bed afterwards, she spontaneously started playing with my dick which doesn’t happen that often that she takes the initiative, and it ended up with her giving me a BJ in 69 position. The thing is that she was sucking more enthousiastically than normal and it ended with me coming over her face, not in her mouth though. I’m now wondering if this is just coincidence from watching that scene on tv, or if somehow i’m actually seeing a first sign of those subliminals (both the WCS file as the flashed messages on her laptop) beginning to work. Curious if I will see some more signs during the next days.

    Posts: 32
    12/10/2014 at 3:10 pm

    This is probably a rather good interpretation, at least partially.

    She has indeed always shown some signs of a dominant nature, or at least she expects everyone to comply to her way of seeing things. This has always been the case towards me, my relatives, our friends, … and it has always been kind of stimulated by her parents who show the same attitude. They are very friendly and will do everything for you – according to their standards of what they see as normal – but they have never been very open to the fact that others might see things differently. They will also go all the way to get what they want, including almost a way of stalking in order to get people to do what they want to obtain. Just as an example: last year her father had a car accident, and the Insurance company wanted to wait with paying out the damage untill they saw more clearly in the root cause as a foreign driver was involved. My father in law has been calling the insurance company on a daily basis untill they were so tired of him that they paid him out. This is the sort of attitude they share, and to some degree, they apply that to anyone, which has led already to quite some conflicts in the past and makes that everyone is very cautious in how they treat my wife and inlaws. So, I would definately agree that these are signs of a dominant nature.

    It also makes that she takes good care of me in the ways that seem appropriate for her, but at the same time, the things that I want that are not in line with her vision are rejected as abnormal, things that “normal people” don’t want. This is certainly the case where it comes to sex, as she is very vanilla and I am rather attracted to very kinky stuff. Everytime that i’m trying to get her to get beyond her bounderies, she argues with the fact that our friends don’t do that sort of stuff either. So you can imagine that this has also been the cause of some conflicts over the years.

    You asked for her job and friends. For the last years, she has been working as a freelancer meaning that she is her own boss and doesn’t have to listen to anyone. She just takes on the assignments that interest her, and if she doesn’t match well with the employer giving her that assignment, than she will rather turn it down, even if it pays good money. Actually i now come to realise that this another indication of that dominant nature. Besides that, she has no close friends of her own. There are a couple of old schoolfriends and collegues that she has contact with from time to time (mostly once per year), but it’s not like they hang out together on a regular basis. Besides that, she has some far acquaintances, e.g. from a weekly evening activity that she attends, but you cannot call that friends. The closest person she does something with from time to time is the wife of one of my friends, and she is certainly not someone with the same dominant attitude. So, very difficult to redirect her lifestyle and to get rid of some friends of hers. Besides that, she’s mostly stuck in her family life, taking on an assignment from time to time, taking care of the kids, and that’s about it. And she’s happy with just that. She has ever shown a need or ambition to have more in life, like e.g. to dress sexy, to eat in good restaurants, … The only exception is that she like to travel far but still simple, no need for luxury vacations.

    Over the years of our marriage, I had always believed that in time she would come around after being exposed to things outside of her normal comfort zone, but after 20 years of trying, she hasn’t changed that much. That’s the reason i hoped that by using subliminals I would be able to change her subconscious thinking.

    Looking forward to your reaction. Or from anyone with similar experiences.

    Posts: 32
    12/09/2014 at 10:40 pm

    Hi Trainer. Thanks for the offer. Much appreciated. So far, nothing is happening, so i’m getting a bit depressed. :-)

    I followed the advice offered in this thread, and decided to focus more on the submissive part. To realise that, I made the following files:
    – a converter file with female voice (almost literal translation of your latest converter script that you posted a couple of weeks ago)
    – a converter file with male voice (same script as the other one) just in case she would be more responding to that one
    – a file based upon your latest version of the submissive wife script with female voice in the first person (“I”)
    – same file with a male voice in the second person (“you”)
    – in addition, i still have one file running for WCS in female voice in first person, but this gets a lot less exposure as the other 4 files together take up more playing time.
    All files are 2-3 minutes and are repeated inside the file itself to have a total length of 8-11 minutes.
    All files are translated in dutch, so difficult to have you check out the translation, but they’re all based on your own files.

    They have been running for about 2 weeks now. Because i wasn’t noticing any results, a couple of days ago i added an alpha isochronic tone to the same files, as I noticed a lot of other subliminals are also doing that.

    These files are playing constantly at night on my cellphone which is on my side of the bed obviously, and during daytime they play on both my PC (with good PC speakers) and on her own laptop, which are both situated in our living room.

    In addition to this, following Serebus’ example, I installed the Mind of a winner software on her laptop, and that program is constantly flashing variants of the same messages in first person on her screen with a 4 seconds interval and 10 ms duration (subconscious).

    So I figure that she should be receiving a lot of stimuli for both her auditory and visual senses. On top of that, I try to take up a more dominant role myself and take more charge. And yet, she doesn’t show any signs that she’s picking up anything. She’s friendly and doing lot of normal daily life stuff for me the way she already did before, but when I try to push her into something that crosses her bounderies, she doesn’t seem to comply more easily. Also, on the sex side, last couple of weeks was nothing, but I have to admit I didn’t try to start anything myself either cause she was having a bad cold, so i didn’t want to bother her with that.

    The thing is anyway that I’m getting the impression that she’s totally deaf and blind for all subliminal stimuli. Which I find very weird after reading all the succes stories here.

    Looking forward to your experienced vision on this.

    Posts: 32
    12/01/2014 at 8:11 pm

    Actually, on another forum, I read that using the “I” mode would be less effective, because it there would be higher risk that it would be ignored by the subconscious because it knows that the statements are not true. On the other hand, using “You are” would be less questioned by the SC and more considered as social pressure and therefore more effective. Of course, there are other sites that claim just the opposite. So i’m wondering what’s the most effective. Perhaps the best is to have both angles together, either in a sledgehammer or in separate subliminals.

    Posts: 32
    12/01/2014 at 8:02 am

    Following Taps’s advice, i adapted my scripts and focused more on the submissive part, so i combined elements from his and Trainers’ submissive scripts. I was wondering if it would be useful to make these in two versions with a female and a male voice that play in turns ? As she’s obviously resisting to be submissive, i was thinking that the female voice perhaps doesn’t have enough power to convince her, and that she might better react to a male voice.
    I’m also considering bringing the converter sub back in play, as so far i haven’t seen any real evidence that she’s pisking up anything from the subs. Would that be a recommended move ?
    I’ve also been thinking: has anyone ever bene experimenting here with adding isochronic tones into the subliminals ? A lot of the commercial subs do that because they claim they help in bringing the brain into the right mode for picking up the suggestions.
    Last: is there finally somewhere an agreement on using “I” versus “you” in the affirmations ? Almost every site i read on the topiv formulates different opinions on that. Is there in your experience any empirical evidence that one performs better over the other ?

    Thanks for your view on these topics.

    Posts: 32
    11/29/2014 at 9:41 pm

    Hi Tap, this sounds very interesting. For the last couple of weeks, i had some subliminal lines running that focus a bit more on being submissive, but in addition with the sex script. But just like the sex one, i don’t see any effect.
    Today was really meaningful: i must admit i’m having a bad temper the last days and especially in the weekends as i’m getting nowhere. So today also, I was really being mad and as a result being more pushy and dominant towards her. What I noticed was that she also started to get more agressive to me, so absolutely no trace of any submission yet.
    On the other side, i’ve bene asking her for years to change her eye make-up from blue to black because i find it a bit more slutty but she never did. I had also a couple of lines integrated on dressing more slutty. To my surprise, this week she came home with a black eye pencil. Now, i’m not sure if it’s coincidence or if it’s really the subliminal, but it could be at least a sign that she’s picking up something. That’s one of my major questions at the moment: am i not seeing any results because het dominant attitude is pushing back, or is she simply not hearing the subliminals.
    I’m going to have a closer look at your scripts on submissiveness and to Trainers’ ones.

    Posts: 32
    11/24/2014 at 6:21 pm

    I’ve been thinking about that too. That’s the reason why currently i also have a submission script running next to the WCS script. When i say that she as a rather dominant nature, it’s certainly not in our sexlive but rather in general. In all our social contacts, be it with (my) relatifs or our friends, she tends to think that her opinion counts the most and the others should comply to what she thinks. This has already led to quite a number of difficult situations in the past.
    But sexually, she’s not like that at all. She’s not (and actually never was) ‘hungry’ for sex or horny from herself. And when we do have sex (in generall once per 1/2 months) she enjoys it but prefers it nevertheless to be done in a hurry. I’ve never experienced her wanting to go on for a long time. Even when I get her to watch a porn movie, she first refuses to watch it because she says she doesn’t need that to get aroused, then complies when i insist, then gets very aroused while she’s watching, sometimes steps a bit beyond her normal bounderies and acts reasonably slutty as i like it, then when she has come a few times (i wanna make it fun for her too of course) and then she seems to lose interest and wants to get it over with; sometimes even when only she has come and i haven’t. In most other cases, she just says that i have to look porn myself or that i have to look for someone else to do kinky stuff with.
    Because of this attitude, i’m not sure a script on being submissive will be enough. I don’t want a sub slave if she doesn’t enjoy the sex part of it herself.

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