Training My Wife: Passion and Empathy

[Ygg]

10/20/2013 at 2:48 am

Howdy folks, been buzzing around reading all i can around here, this is truly fascinating stuff, never imagined something like this existed. Seems like just what the doctor ordered for my wife and I.

For a start, a little background; She has had a fairly rocky sexual past, has a very negative attitude towards the whole subject for years now. Twice a month is average, and even when that happens she says it’s all for me, she gets no pleasure from it. Which is where I am baffled, because everytime afterwards she says she feels so much better, she needed that, she orgasms multiple times, and yet the mental “desire” just isn’t there.  We’ve been dabbling in D/S type of activities, as she is very aroused by the idea of submission, we’ve had some wonderful play, but despite it she always reverts back to the same old disposition towards sex. 

Which leads me to my mission statement; I really hope to help my wife become more affectionate and less distant, to be mindful of my needs/desires, and give an honest effort. Not expecting some zombie or anything, just would like to see if i can repair some of the damage i perceive in her subconscious’ thoughts on the matter.

I’m going to start with HH sledge as per Qwerty’s amazing results, it seems to me that this is the most relevant program on the subject of empathy so it can’t hurt I reckon.

I plan on using an old ipod in our dock in our bedroom looping the silent track, would like the rain one in there as well, but I imagine rain for 10 mins, no rain, rain, ect would be irritating, though probably pretty effective in getting the subconscious to listen a little more attentively. I’ve concluded dock in our room is the best spot, as she more often then not is on her computer almost constantly if not sleeping, thus in that room a whole heck of a lot, so for exposure it’s the best bet.  Is there a minimum volume this should be at? Will silent tracks be more effective if played LOUD or do they no longer become silent? 

How does everyone here organize one during day, one at night? Curious as to peoples set ups to play thier programs.

[Fizbin]

10/20/2013 at 10:48 am

Hi, and Welcome!

The content is the same on the rain and silent versions. Which you choose should depend on your situation, but I don’t suggest alternating styles in a single playlist – even if she knows that files “of some kind” are playing. The transitions will just be annoying.

As for volume, the levels are not totally consistent between tracks. But, if you set the device volume such that a rain (or regular music) file is audible (but not obnoxious) from the listening position, it should also be effective for the silent files.

[Tap]

10/21/2013 at 12:35 am

There’s different theories on volume. For silents, I prefer having it at the loudest volume on phones and mp3 players since they don’t usually play that loud anyway. I use my phone at night looped, a few mp3 players around in different rooms in the day, and the lee player running on computers while she’s playing her computer games. HH is a very good sledge that I had good success with. If you’re just playing that on its own, you should see results fairly quickly.

[Ygg]

10/21/2013 at 4:04 am

Thanks guys i appreciate the quick input. gonna set up the ipod in the bedroom with the silent, it has decent speakers so i’ll use rain to get it to an approx suitable volume. Found out my server computer has a speaker in it so i’ve been playing the rain file on it in the other room (within earshot of the bathroom) all in all i think it should give maximum exposure. Plus to the rain files is they *almost* sound like a computer fan.

I really want to focus on HH and then introduce more specific programs later, from what i’ve gathered 1 is best, 2 is doable, 3 is pushing it as far as the programs go, so slower is better.

Probably just coincidence, but she did initiate sex this evening, even so i was sure to reinforce some of the messages in the recordings, placing special emphasis on how happy she made me.

Time will tell…

[Qwerty]

10/21/2013 at 3:43 pm

Welcome ygg. Using HH as a base is a great way to start. You seem to gave a good set up. Many persons have had early success but get disheartened when it does not sustain. Remember that consistent results often takes time. Do not get disheartened with back slides and eratic results in the early stages. Habits,that have formed over years or even a lifetime will not be rewritten over night. That being said congratulations on the early success, best of luck on your journey and use the forums to vent, gloat or bounce ideas off, the knowledge and experience here is vast and ever growing.

[Ygg]

11/05/2013 at 8:34 pm

Just popping by for a quick update. Things are perhaps improving slightly, theres been a lot of turmoil in our lives lately so sex has been on the back burner, initially there was some success when i started the subliminals, she was initiating things more, it took less hinting on my part, and generally was much less a todo. Alas life happened and the much anticipated back steps have been made.

Still there does appear to be subtle changes in her attitude towards it, in general her attitude about pleasing me is changing quite a bit, she seems more aware of me as a person, and am pleased to see that there is the faintest wispers of her realizing how distant she has been.

Nothing concrete yet, want HH to sink in before i introduce something more sex related, I know there have been improvements with several tracks at once, but i’m seeing measurable results with this slow and steady approach, so i’ll try and keep changes to a minimum.

I’ve been trying to remove myself from the situation as well, back off, give her space and time to think, these are supposed to after all seem like her ideas, so i figure less meddling the better. When she does something in an effort to make me happier/life easier i praise her, if something obvious is missed i remind her that she could do it perhaps.

Cheers

Ygg

[FaustsBoon]

11/05/2013 at 10:45 pm

@Ygg said:
Just popping by for a quick update. Things are perhaps improving slightly, theres been a lot of turmoil in our lives lately so sex has been on the back burner, initially there was some success when i started the subliminals, she was initiating things more, it took less hinting on my part, and generally was much less a todo. Alas life happened and the much anticipated back steps have been made.

 

Still there does appear to be subtle changes in her attitude towards it, in general her attitude about pleasing me is changing quite a bit, she seems more aware of me as a person, and am pleased to see that there is the faintest wispers of her realizing how distant she has been.

 

Nothing concrete yet, want HH to sink in before i introduce something more sex related, I know there have been improvements with several tracks at once, but i’m seeing measurable results with this slow and steady approach, so i’ll try and keep changes to a minimum.

 

I’ve been trying to remove myself from the situation as well, back off, give her space and time to think, these are supposed to after all seem like her ideas, so i figure less meddling the better. When she does something in an effort to make me happier/life easier i praise her, if something obvious is missed i remind her that she could do it perhaps.

 

Cheers

Ygg

You’ve got a lot of wisdom there man…  You’re ahead of most of us, in the beginning, just in how measured your approach, and how thoughtful you are about leaving her space to “figure it out”.  I know I did so much over-thinking, that I surely mucked up the early days of the program.  :-p

[Qwerty]

11/05/2013 at 11:04 pm

Ygg,
As I am sure you have read life has intruded into almost all of our attempts at some point or another. You calmness about the set back is something to be commended. I also like the more passive approach you have taken as it has worked well for me. Others have had good results with being active, but I have seen my best results from letting the subliminals do the heavy lifting while I just try to guide my wife. Keep up the great work.

[Ygg]

11/07/2013 at 4:03 am

Amen qwerty, i tried to study your journal as best i’m able, as per others if i can get a few miles down the road from your level of success i’ll be a happy happy camper.

Nothing worth noting today, our phones are out of minutes, so we’ve exchanged maybe 20 words in total today, but it’s hard not to have a little smirk knowing she’s been soaking up subliminals all day, tomorrow we are sans child for the night, should be a good means of assessing where she’s at in all this.

Thanks for the encouragement fellas, just going off what trial and error has been done here, hope to one day be able to contribute to the knowledge pool here.

Two less related thoughts:

1. Has anyone considered something for “mind over matter pain tolerance” type of subliminal? Sure this isn’t something solely I am dealing with, but by in large one of the biggest libido busters i’m facing is my wife hurting all the time, medically she checks out, we’ve followed up on several symptoms, nothing ever came of it. Now that i’m thinking about all this subliminal stuff, perhaps theres a way to psyche her out of her usual aches and pains.

2. Is there some means of upgrading from silver to gold that doesn’t involve paying full price? like a lesser cost silver to gold option as opposed to one rate across the board, vaguely recall trainer saying something about it being removed due to new coupon system testing, but i could be mistaken, either way knowing would make the decision easier one way or the other

[Tap]

11/08/2013 at 12:56 am

Ygg,

You could easily make a custom subliminal for that pain tolerance subject. I think it might increase her tolerance to pain, but it’ll be difficult to cut out the pain totally. I used to be a silver member that upgraded to gold for a lesser fee. I think trainer still offers that. I’d recommend it because I’ve had the most success with my own custom subliminals.

[Ygg]

11/08/2013 at 5:15 am

Grrrr, wrote a lenthy update but for some reason it disappeared on me  will rewrite later

[trainer81]

11/08/2013 at 3:53 pm

What do you mean it disappeared?  please explain….

Trainer81

[Ygg]

11/09/2013 at 3:05 am

kept getting some strange message when i tried to post it, something to do with forum not selected, made sure i was logged in, tried in new tab, after reopening browser it seemed to work again, but i forgot to copy the text prior to that, so more my fault than anything else i suppose.

Have yet to be able to reproduce the message though (i do tend to have a lot of different forum tabs up, perhaps that was the problem)

[Ygg]

11/09/2013 at 3:25 am

Re:Quick update,

Yesterday was by all counts a great day, wife was very receptive to ideas of a sexual nature, good playful flirty day, she initiated our second round of sex out of the moments after she went to bed. Some positive signs of progress.  She seems to be much more concearned about how her actions affect me, and in general is pretty focused on pleasing me.

I’ve noticed she’s much more considerate of my requests of late, ie instead of spouting some excuse imediately, if it’s a definite no, she tends to give more reason to it, again i think this may have to do with perhaps the beginnings of HH taking hold, as she is much more appologetic over trivial things the last few days, a few times saying specifically she doesn’t want to make me unhappy. For instance she appologized after we had sex before bed yesterday, saying she was sorry for asking me in there, i told her nothing could have made me happier, and tried to praise the behavior as best i could. 

That isn’t to say that a backslide wasn’t expected today, can’t have good without the bad i guess, today was an odd day by comparison, very much up and down, tried to back off to let her compute the events of yesterday, think it was a good move, because she seemed really stressed all day, like some internal battle was going on, we had a great talk earlier, enjoyed some our own thing time, just a nice introspective day.

[Fizbin]

11/09/2013 at 11:28 am

@Ygg said:
kept getting some strange message when i tried to post it, something to do with forum not selected, made sure i was logged in, tried in new tab, after reopening browser it seemed to work again, but i forgot to copy the text prior to that, so more my fault than anything else i suppose.

 

Have yet to be able to reproduce the message though (i do tend to have a lot of different forum tabs up, perhaps that was the problem)

That usually happens when you accidentally hit the “Add Topic” button rather than “Add Reply”. From a UI design standpoint, I think they’re confusingly close together…

[Ygg]

11/12/2013 at 2:26 am

So another quick update; wife’s 2 for 2 last two days having a quickie before work. After talking briefly about it, she said it’s her goal to do it at least once a day, I could hardly contain my enthusiasm, have to double check, but i think it’s nearing the four week mark for subliminals and as far as i can observe there are some HUGE developments brewing, she seems much more inclined to please, and does so with a heck of a lot less stress. There are even subtle hints at a larger picture type change, like today she went and took a walk (something she hasn’t done in years) and started an exercise regime. All in all steady progress towards the end goal.

Time i think to consider what will be the next file i wish to introduce, keeping up with the slow and steady approach i want to wait another few weeks before adding anything, but am looking to introduce a more sex centered sledge to compliment HH, ILS seems the front runner at the moment, but want to study the scripts to see what i find most applicable to my situation. Lol if i’m ever not broke i want to upgrade to gold to get into scripting my own, but for now i’m getting amazing results with trainers scripts, thus not exactly a bad thing.

I’d just like to take a moment to say thanks to the kind folks here for sharing your experiences and enabling myself to see such measurable results in such a relatively small period of time. I definitely would have blasted all sorts of programs at once and seen no progress if it weren’t for these forums!

[Tap]

11/13/2013 at 1:42 am

You’re getting good results with just HH and without even introducing a sex subliminal. I’d say that’s a success.

[Ygg]

11/14/2013 at 4:56 am

Well a backslide seems to have occurred, albeit more of a life happens thing, haven’t had very much time for any adult time togeather, so can’t really say it’s entirely a backslide, i have been really stressed from work and some friend drama, talked about it today and she thought i was worried completely about the lack of sex, went on kind of a rant about all the things troubling me, mentioning nothing about it, 3 times in 3 days is great in my book, so a few day hiatus ain’t all bad. Still on the fence about the next program, WCS sounds tempting at the moment, but still not sure completely.  

[Ygg]

11/17/2013 at 4:00 pm

Had a busy weekend, found time for “us” time somehow, good fun, this was two days ago, last two days have been too busy for anything in the way of sex. Today when she left to visit some friends i mentioned her dress looked nice, she teased i could take it off her later with my teeth, so we’ll see how it goes Off to work, will update later if anything of interest happens.

Real quick, i got lee player on her computer, trying a modified sledge of qwerty’s arousal file, curious to see if it does anything.

Cheers

Ygg

[Ygg]

11/18/2013 at 2:04 am

Well life intervened or so it seems, brought it up when i got home, she seemed interested but too tired, life goes on. She did seem extremely casual about it, like a wall’s been broken down or something, no pouting or huffing/puffing, just suggested tomorrow morning, and evening to make up for it, even if it doesn’t happen theres progress in not getting pissy about it.

[Ygg]

01/16/2014 at 4:34 am

So not a whole lot to report here, still plodding along, i’ve weened off HH and the modified qwerty script as i think they’ve run their course, now focusing on my own customs aimed directly at the changes I wish to see. Been kind of a crazy few weeks, so lots of stress and whatnot, not much in the way of progress, started new All in One script 5 days ago, and just today she initiated things, so i see this as measurable progress.

[Ygg]

01/19/2014 at 3:34 am

So an interesting development, recently (only 5 days ago) i changed to a new custom that includes a fair amount of stuff on sleeping nude/not being a darn bed hog, and low and behold my wife the last two nights has stopped wearing her usual pajama pants to bed, still tshirt and panties, but i see this as remarkable improvement considering she has ALWAYS slept in some kind of pj’s. Interesting to say the least.

Another interesting development seems to be her new attitude towards sex in general, we both came to the conclusion that her IUD was negatively impacting her on too many levels, and got it removed 4 days ago, that day, and the day after we went at it like bunnies, like the change was instant, which resolves for me weather or not the subs were working to their full extent, like she wanted to all along, but some hormonal/physical shield was in place causing her to cast the thoughts aside.

Conveniently her period came right after, so a hiatus of sorts is for sure called for, but especially the day before, she was fully embracing WCS messages, ie if she saw “it” she had to say hello, mind you not a full blown session, but i’ll be darned if that’s not a leap in the right direction.

Neither of us is feeling especially well, so I anticipate a less exciting next few days, but here’s hoping the new behavior is indeed a glimpse into the future.

Cheers
Ygg

On a side note I tried to install J66R’s alternative to Mplayer, and hit a snag, can’t seem to get it working properly, sure it’s someting silly, but for the time being i used another piece of software for businesses to remotely change file on mplayer, automation would be pretty nice however, gonna fiddle with it some more later. Anyone have any luck with it? i’m attempting to run it on Win7/64bit if that helps, wish i had linux on her computer as it seems to be much more penguin friendly.

[Ygg]

11/10/2014 at 12:32 am

Well not much training been going on the past few months, we’ve since had another child, so the complications that brings with it has slowed my “project” some, however all the base work seems to still be there, started up the files a few weeks ago and sure enough she seems to be much happier going down on me, still too postpartum for much else, but hey it’s a huge leap from where we started, apart from physical limits at the moment her general appetite for it is dramatically improved.

Much hope for the future
Cheers
Ygg

[Tap]

11/19/2014 at 5:15 am

That was a long delay from a post in january to november. I can see how she could have a baby in that time lol. Good luck to you.

I was just rereading your thread and saw posts from last year around this time. Time flies and it doesn’t seem that long ago. I don’t know about you all but when I see posts that I made a year ago or before, it kind of throws me off. Not sure why.