Home Dream Girls Forum From 2016 Prime Journals Rekindling an old fire

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  • December 1, 2013 at 4:50 pm #0
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    12/01/2013 at 4:50 pm

    I am new here after joining about a week or two ago. Some background:

    My wife and I are both 54 and have been married for 29 years.  A few years back I went through a round of chemo and radiation – fortunately it worked and I have been disease free for over 5 years.  Unfortunately my libido and energy level were casualties in the battle – until recently that is!  I finally found a doc who figured out what was up, got my thyroid levels straightened out and put me on testosterone.  Within a month or so I was feeling good again and for the last couple of months I feel like a teenager.  From disinterested to horn dog in less than 3 months – highly recommended for those thinking back nostalgically to the good old days.

     My wife is a smart, strong, independent woman and had a pretty high powered career for awhile.  She is now semi-retired and works from a home based business so she is home most of the time.  She suffered some abuse as a child and has always been very reserved sexually.  Anything beyond basic vanilla has always been few and far between. I, on the other hand, have a repressed kinky streak a mile wide.  Following my C&R treatment our sex life went to zero and stayed there for a couple of years (a side effect).  It is hard for me to imagine now but for 2 plus years I just never even thought about sex – and that was just fine with her.  Once my new doc got me dialed in, our sex life started to get back on track and then she had some health issues of her own and backslid to square 0.  I have been patient and supportive during her healing and it has taken a long time getting back to normal now.

    I became a gold member downloaded the software and recorded a converter script.  I was fortunate that I was working from home last week and so I was able to play it pretty much 24/7 for the first 4 days.  I then added a customized ILS grafted onto “an intro” from the converter script.  I was a bit unsure of how to do a sledgehammer so I did one version of ILS as an I /My and another as a You/Your and started running them back to back.  I wanted to do a sledgehammer customized HH so I went through the forums a couple times and watched trainer’s videos until I figured it out.  I created three Text Aloud files.  One as an I/My, You/Your,  and Name/Her/She version of the script all at same speed with but different pitches using MS Anna.  Script below:

    I must do anything for my Husband >>NAME<<.

    My pleasure comes from Husband >>NAME<<'s happiness.

    Pleasing my Husband >>NAME<< pleases me.

    I enjoy making my Husband >>NAME<< happy.

    I am always obedient for my Husband >>NAME<<.

    I feel free when I give up control, to my Husband >>NAME<<. Giving up my control to >>NAME<< make's me very happy. I am a good girl when I give up control, to >>NAME<<.

    My Husband >>NAME<< knows what is best for me. Pleasing my Husband >>NAME<< feels good.

    Pleasing my Husband >>NAME<< is wonderful. I feel good pleasing my Husband >>NAME<<.

    I am happy when I think of my Husband >>NAME<<. Pleasing my Husband >>NAME<< feels good.

    I trust my Husband >>NAME<< to know what is best for me. I feel good pleasing my Husband >>NAME<<.

    I feel good thinking about my Husband >>NAME<<. I feel good pleasing my Husband >>NAME<<.

    I must do what my Husband >>NAME<< tells me. Good girls always do everything what they are told. I am a good girl and will do anything for my Husband >>NAME<<.

    my Husband >>NAME<< is the only man in my life. my Husband >>NAME<< is the most important person in my life.
    I recorded the I/My script with amplification @-28 plus the You/Your,  and Name/Her/She amplification @-31. No echo, Qwerty’s Nyquist settings.

    A couple questions: 

    –          I only used one of each file type and recorded with different Pitch’s using MS Anna.  Should I add more tracks of the You/Your or Name/Her/She variants for more “peer pressure”?

    –          Each of the versions is slightly different in length.  I added silence at the end of each of the shorter files to make up the difference.  Is there a better way to balance out the times so things stay more in sync ?

    –          In rereading the script now it seems a bit too focused on reinforcing good/happy feelings.

    Lastly, I travel frequently for work.

    Any ideas on how to customize scripts for separate versions of “Husband at home” versus “Husband Away”  ?

    I am thinking of trying subtle changes to scripts to try to tie into conscious thought / actual situation.

    I will keep reinforcing the same message but thought some contextual changes might make them stronger stronger.

    Goals: Create a strong anticipation / desire for sex on my return. Get her to start sexting, sending pictures, phone sex when I am away.

    Any feedback / constructive criticism are most welcome.

    I’ll start a journal and make updates but for now I think I sense a subtle change in attitude and a bit more touching / snuggling than before.

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    12/01/2013 at 10:19 pm

    Welcome!

    I won’t say too much about building a sledgehammer, as that is pretty well covered elsewhere (plus, I’m not their biggest fan… ;) ). But the core of your script seems OK. I’m not personally big on using the “my husband ” pattern over and over again. I usually go back and forth between my husband and , depending upon which seems more natural to the particular affirmation. I do occasionally link them, too, but I’m more likely to use ” is the best husband I could ever have”, for example, than the other – usually associated with how much she wants to be a “good wife.”

    As for the job, I’m a heavy traveler, too. I have a “homecoming” script I usually play for her the night I get back, and also the night before I leave if I’ve been home for an extended period. It covers some of the basics, as well as emphasizing how happy she is to have me home, and how much she misses me when I’m gone.

    I don’t have anything set up to play while I’m on the road.

    Posts: 176
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    12/02/2013 at 3:07 pm

    Thank Fizbin:

    I’ll change up the script a bit per your suggestion.

    You mentioned not being a big fan of SH’s.

    I’m not trying to start a big debate but would be interested in hearing your thoughts and what you prefer instead.

    I’ll try to come up with an away script and run it by you.

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    12/02/2013 at 3:19 pm

    Would like to welcome you to the forum,although I don’t have any comments on your script. You’re I believe the first member I’ve seen post anywhere close to my age (I’m 57). While my wife has never been abused, she is extremely reserved, and I tend towards the kinky side also.[Image Can Not Be Found] I look forward to following your journey in transforming your wife into your Dream Girl.

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    12/03/2013 at 1:07 am

    FWIW, I’m also North of 50… :)

    As for the sledgehammers, I just find them quite muddled. The example I use is the “There is no Sanctuary” scene in Logan’s Run. All of the emphasis on presenting simple, clear, positive, affirmations to the subconscious just seems to get lost in the mishmash.

    For an alternative, I sometimes use a “call and answer” format, with one voice (usually either “Voice of God” or “The Tutor”) making a statement, and the “self” voice either stating related affirmations, or echoing/internalizing the original, but in first person.

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    12/09/2013 at 6:55 pm

    An update:

    I changed up the scripts to make them less monotonous and dropped the Sledgehammer per Fizbin’s suggestions.

    Instead of a SH I am using a Pause after each statement with echo.

    I restructured the file with I, you, name versions repeating one file after the other instead of all of them running at once in a sledgehammer.

    I was out of town for work and got back yesterday.

    I was pretty wiped out after the travel so I crashed early and slept solidly all night (no sex).

    This morning while I was having breakfast she mentioned that she needed had to get another test done this morning.

    She said a long list of things she could not do before the test, food, drink, and… no sex for 48 hours before.

    I jokingly said I did not like that test and that next time she should move it to a time when I will be away..

    She joked back saying that they didn’t care what you did after the test and that she promised would make it up to me later.

    The difference this time is that she was joking about sex and grinning from ear to ear.

    This is a big departure from he “normal behavior” of rarely talking about sex and I can’t remember the last time she offered sex even jokingly.

    Not a huge development but definitely an encouraging change of behavior.

    Script Changes:

    I’m working up a Christmas Present script and will put it into the rotation tonight.

    I’ll then be running 3 scripts : Customized His happiness,  I Love Sex with an “inner voices intro”, and now adding the Christmas Present themed version of Feminine Dressing

    I’m trying to keep them all around 50 affirmations for higher repeat count per script.

    Posts: 176
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    12/15/2013 at 4:03 pm

    An update:

    Was away for work again last week.

    Before I left I said I wanted a “date night”  (her term for planned in advance sex) on Friday when I returned. As is typical she said she was not sure since she had a really busy day on Friday and she would probably be too tired. This is her MO – always planning / doing too much then being “too tired” to spend time / have sex with me

    Taking some alpha hints from some of the guys here I calmly repeated that I wanted a date night and she needed to rearrange her schedule so she would be ready when I returned. As an Aside…  I started listening to some “alpha male” Binaural beats tracks onYou tube and definitely notice a positive difference in my attitude.In the past me telling her what to do would have started a big fight.  This time she just thought about it for a couple minutes then said she would move a few things around.  This is a huge change.

    On Thursday night we spoke by phone and she said the brakes needed to be fixed on her car on Friday (a new thing added to the “busy day”). In all fairness she had mentioned the brakes the week before but they felt fine to me when I drove the car.

    I just said I understood and was looking forward to seeing her and to our date night.  She said she would do her best, might be a little late getting home, might be too tired, etc.  (the setup to – sorry can’t do it). I said I would be home around 7:30 and wanted her to be if she was ready.

    I said I would her as I got closer to home so she would know when I would arrive. This is kind a normal thing when I am traveling, e.g. Landed (at airport), headed home,  ETA 7:30, etc.  This time i did a few more than normal and added a couple mentions of seeing her and date night.

    When I arrived at home she had obviously just arrived and was making dinner.  The first words after our normal hug and kiss greeting was how sorry she was for not being ready.  While an apology is not that unusual she seemed to more sincere about it and genuinely trying to hurry – it just felt different / better.  After dinner I said I was going to grab a shower and would meet he in the bedroom.  When I came out of the shower she was dressed in a camisole and was lighting candles.  We climbed into bed and had some ok sex with her cumming twice before I finished myself.

    This is all huge and amazing progress from where we were a month ago when I started the silents.

    Next steps:

    I’m going to switch out the His Happiness SH for a new HH I worked on last week using input from Fizbin. I have found a new productive  use for the time at night in the hotel room !

    The new HH is a single voice in three parts; 1) I like, 2) You like, 3) Name likes..I using the Neosound voices (which I really like) with a different voice for each segment

    1.5 second breaks between most statements and 2.5 seconds between the one’s I want to emphasize.

    Audacity Settings: Amplification = -20, Qwerty’s Nyquist, and Echo = 1 second with a 0.3 decay.

    Also adding a Christmas present script today with same recipe (which will make 3 scripts total):

    – The new custom His Happiness

    – A custom combination Converter / I love sex

    – A Custom Xmas present (focused on dressing sexy and kinky sex)

    I figure I’ll run the Xmas script through Christmas then change it out to a New Years Resolution theme.  Any suggestions ???

    Happy Holidays!

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    12/15/2013 at 10:14 pm

    Hmmm, how about slowing down and just talking or doing something that’s fun like watching a movie?  Girls like this kind of stuff where you just hangout and talk for one. Let things happen naturally and she won’t feel so overwhelmed.

    The xmas will be a good one for slowing down and enjoying the holidays…

    Merry Christmas,

    Trainer81

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    12/15/2013 at 10:46 pm

    You know your girl best, but remember girls often say one thing and mean another. Sometimes they say something just to test you and see if you really want something to. When I first met my wife, she asked ME out, on a double date. Then a week later she tells me, oh well her best friend backed out. I told her that didn’t matter because I wanted to go with her, not her friend. To this day, she always tells that story, saying thats one of the sweetest things I’ve ever said.

    She may say she is too tired. but gently remind her that you want to spend time with her because you love her. ALl that lovey dovey stuff gets their girley brains aroused, unlike us guys who just see our gals in something tight and we are ready to go. Def keep up the alpha male dominance though, just remember to always be respectful and loving about it, that is the challenge. You know as well as we all do, if you really adore this girl, the extra work is worth it to get in her pants and get some of the type of lovin YOU adore.

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    12/16/2013 at 1:21 am

    Just restating Trainer’s point. One of the biggest mistakes guys make early on in the process is expecting too much, too fast – and then shuffling everything when their girls don’t follow every affirmation to the letter inside a few weeks.

    Although I joke around and welcome new members to “The Stepford Men’s Association”, the fact is that we aren’t building robots. We may be persuading our girls to think and act in ways that we prefer; but deep down, they’re still real people, with histories, feelings, memory, and drives that we can’t really understand. People are creatures of habit, and it takes time for habits to change. The deeper and more fulfilling the habit, the harder that change is.

    Thus, I advise patience and simplicity, as I have everyone else on these boards. Don’t try to turn her on a dime. Think aircraft carrier, not hummingbird. Pick your direction carefully, and nudge her a bit. Let her settle into her new course, and then correct a bit.

    She’ll get there.

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    12/16/2013 at 1:16 pm

    I’ll re-re-restate what others have said, and suggest you slow way down.  This program is a complex beast to get your head around as the “operator”, but likewise works in complex ways with our spouses minds.  

    I always see people re-living my mistakes when they dive right into a three-track, moderately long, playlist, and hope for best results.  🙂  That old wisdom seems more dead by the day, IMO, and honestly trimming my tracks down to short ones, and making changes less often was the single biggest surge in progress which I have seen.

    It really is a marathon, and not a sprint.  It may not sound as fun, but seriously consider one, thirty line script for a month or so… and see what kind of foundation develops.  

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    12/16/2013 at 2:02 pm

    Ya. I think us newbies have to go through a tinkering phase where we get tired of messing under the hood and grow bored with it enough to leave it alone for 30 days.

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    12/16/2013 at 4:29 pm

    First and foremost – thanks for all the feedback and sage words of wisdom.

    As you have all noted early on it is easy to get caught up and try go too fast.

    This is especially true when you start seeing results.

    My goal is to let a script run for a minimum of 30 days before making any changes or updates.

    I’ll drop the plan for a New Years script and just run the ILS and His Happiness for a while.

    I also agree that any changes should be simple and gradual.

    Adding or dropping an affirmation or two at most or subtle changes to language with same message.

    My Converter / ILS has is the same script as always only changing the pause length and adding echo.

    I was thinking about changing it but will heed your collective advice and leave it alone.

    I am hesitant to change the His Happiness back again now that I have changed from the SH to the Echo format.

    I’m inclined to just let it run for at least a month and actually see it as a something that I will run pretty much as is for a long time.

    I’ll pull the Xmas script after next week as well.

    While I haven’t mentioned it here before I have been trying to do more of the “simple stuff” she likes.

    Both as positive reinforcement and, more importantly, just to make life more enjoyable for both of us.

    We have been spending more time snuggling, watching TV together, eating together, and I am just tying to be more positively attentive in general.

    I skipped over it in my update but I on the way home Friday night I stopped and picked up some roses at the grocery store.

    A dozen red grocery store roses are not that expensive and, for my wife at least, do wonders.

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    12/16/2013 at 5:19 pm

    My girl likes pink roses :) but I’m glad your taking the slow approach good luck…

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    12/16/2013 at 6:38 pm

    Good idea to always take it slowly.

    As you can see there are a variety of results. But, most women seem to respond very quickly at first then as certain topics are encountered or certain patterns begin to take permanent hold over time they offer pushback, maybe as last ditch subconscious resistance. (Mine went from no cum in mouth for over 20yrs to doing it without question every time in two months, I just had problems with frequency and not arguing about it) I think that is because each of them are still with us so there is at least a latent desire to improve the relationship or take our wants and needs seriously. But as many of us have said, our culture, parents, families, state, churches or whatever, have been programming our women from long before we got hold of them and are still doing it. Depending on their individual upbringings and experiences, these rough points may be different for each woman.

    Being slow, methodical and carefully observing responses can help us map out these issues. I honestly think we can learn to map them and then more reliably change those we can and avoid those that we can’t. Being able to creatively link, in their minds, the successes we have that they readily take to, with the things they have a problem with seems to be the key.

    Most women understand they should respect us and love us and make us happy. Linking the behaviors to that love and respect is often a key. Linking our happiness to theirs is another. Realizing that fulfilling our physical desires actually makes us think about them as being more important and less an object rather than the other way around is a necessary step. One of the way we can do reinforce that is to increase our praise and showing love the way they want it as they increase showing it the way we want it. And then making sure they understand that is what is happening, both in the subliminals and by our words and actions.

    It’s so easy to get excited by early success and then think, “wow, look at what all I can do with this.” But just like in carpentry, just because you put a few screws in without a pilot hole or without considering the grain and the plank didn’t crack doesn’t mean it will work every time. It is often best to pay close attention to the wood type and the grain, knots and all, and then drill those pilot holes before shoving the big screw in. If you don’t the plank may crack and not just the plank but the whole project might get ruined because of impatience.


    Tap
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    12/17/2013 at 2:33 am

    @seekenq said:

    I skipped over it in my update but I on the way home Friday night I stopped and picked up some roses at the grocery store.

    A dozen red grocery store roses are not that expensive and, for my wife at least, do wonders.

    I disagree with the romantic approach. My philosophy is never put the pussy on a pedestal. The more you do that, the more beta you will appear, and she won’t want you sexually. The idea is that when you show you care for her too much, more so than she does for you, you’re showing her that she is of higher value. If she is of higher value, than she’s better than you, she has the higher sex rank, and she can get a better guy than you. As such, she might start seeking someone that she’s attracted to more. This is why “nice guys finish last” and “girls always want bad boys.” Being too nice, lovey dovey, and romantic defeats the effectiveness of you being alpha.

    I think it would be good to reward her for positive behaviors that you want to see in her, right after she does the behavior. That is the most effective way to give positive reinforcement.

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    12/17/2013 at 5:12 am

    It’s a little more nuanced than that. I agree that you can’t be the nice guy in the bedroom. But you do want to be a nice guy outside the bedroom. Girls don’t want bad boys, they want to FUCK bad boys. So yes, be the take charge guy in the bedroom. But they don’t marry bad boys. Because bad boys are assholes. You can be nice (getting flowers, giving compliments, etc.) without being beta. Women love a man who is a gentleman. In public. And when they feel loved and cherished and feminine, they can open up and be wild and kinky behind closed doors.

    There is one caveat to being nice — you cannot be nice with the idea that you will receive sex in return. Women will pick up on that. You should be nice because you want to be nice. And you should have sex when you want to have sex. They should not be related to each other. I have changed my approach in the past three weeks or so and I will update my journal to show my results.

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    12/17/2013 at 5:37 am

    I think there is a way to do both.

    The smoothest operators I have ever seen, the guys that make a woman moisten her panties with just a look, were hyper-romantic.

    These guys just seemed to know what to say and do, and they got all the play they could handle and then offered some more.

    But these guys did make sure the woman knew the man was in charge. They didn’t put up with crap. They didn’t equivocate about ANYTHING.

    What they said “goes”.  And the women understood that what she got in return was directly proportional to what she gave him.

    I have found that my wife is better acting when I give her some of those TLC things. But as long as it is not super huge grand gestures. She needs to know I will take care of and help and protect her, but that I’m not going to do it for free just because.

    As I stated in another post. Men and women, regardless of expectation or marriage vows, come to a tacit agreement. It might not be the one consciously negotiated. Heck, it may never stop being renegotiated, but both parties make bargains and get what they agree to, for the most part. I my case, if I let her slide a little on something, she pushes the envelope until she not doing it at all and acts snotty and unhappy. But if I keep at her, and let her know “it will happen” eventually she does it on her own. And she acts happier when I do.

    But by the same token the good attitude lasts longer if I do something little for her. Now I kind of have to make sure she knows it’s little and didn’t take much thought or effort though. A bag of $8.99 a dozen Wal-Mart flowers (especially if one or two are or get damaged a little on the way home) gets the same reaction as the $59.99 a dozen I get from the florist or $120 bouquet from Flowers.com. I just tell her, “no big deal they only cost $5 or so and I haven’t gotten you flowers in a while, but I thought you might like them.”

    Drop an aspirin in the water so they last a bit longer. Making sure she knows you did that. Pretty much as long as they last she’s happier with you. When they start to look sad. Tie them together and hang them upside down in the kitchen or some where and tell her you’re drying them for her so she can keep them. Another little thing that costs string. And it’ll take a couple of weeks to dry and she thinks of you every time she passes. If she starts acting a bitch, take some of the scent stuff they sell at a candle shop and spray it lightly on the flowers. Next time she passes she’ll smell the flowers and it’ll be a subtle cue to be happy about you again.

    I’ve been re-learning this whole thing. The things I’m doing now are the things that made her marry me in the first place. She’s happier; so am I.

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    12/17/2013 at 2:09 pm

    Just my two cents on the treatment of your wife outside the bedroom. In my case I make it perfectly clear to her that if I do things for her it’s because I want to, or I feel it’s the right thing to do, and doesn’t say anything about if I feel she’s being a good wife. Example: I do our laundry, not because I want to help her out, but because it needs to be done. I get up and clean her car off , and make sure the drive is clear because it’s the right thing to do, not because she’s doing something for me. She often complains that I don’t seem to need her for anything but sex, and I don’t argue the point. It’s not true, but at this point in time I don’t trust her enough to let her know that it’s not true. The point is I make sure she knows that the loving things I do are because I love her, and have nothing to do with how she behaves. That does not mean that I am gonna put up with her crap though, or that it’s OK that she be apathetic about our sex life.The biggest benefit in this attitude is it makes my life easier. I decide what I should or shouldn’t do, not based on hoping it’ll make her more positive about sex, but because I feel like it’s the right thing to do. This is I believe true Alpha behavior.

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    12/17/2013 at 3:35 pm

    One thing to keep in mind — every single romance novel has almost the exact same plot. The hero is some studly alpha dude who can have his pick of women, but never gets “close” to any of them. Then the heroine shows up, and as unlikely as she is to even get the alpha, she not only gets him, but also is the one who gets him to open up and reveal his “true self” to her.

    Whatever you think of this genre, the fact is that it totally resonates with women. Yes, they want to fall for an alpha. They want someone who will protect them (and their kids) against the world. They want someone who is respected and who treats her like a lady in public. But they also want to believe that they are the only ones in the entire world to really *know* their man.

    It is ok, even necessary, to get vulnerable with her. Don’t do it in a beta way. Don’t cry like a little girl when you don’t get the promotion. But share your hopes/fears/dreams with her. Open up to her. That will draw her in closer, because she will feel like she understands you in ways that no one else does. That builds trust between the two of you. And that will help her open up to you. She can’t be fully sexual with you unless she fully trusts you.

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    12/17/2013 at 3:56 pm

    well said man. This is the heart of the matter. Women want from us a dichotomy of dominance  and strength, with a soft/gentle, vulnerable side that only THEY get to see in small bursts.

    The romance genre thing. its that old chicken and egg philosophy. It exists because women want it to, not because that genre generates expectations in them. They have a desire for those things and those stories, that is why they exist, but critics will argue the opposite, that those novels came first, and they somehow distorted womens viewpoint. granted, they do distort, because women these days take fiction at full face value, instead of food for thought/with a grain of salt. But the genre exists because people want those stories. The same is true of porn. They say the same things about it, but those fetish sights, and those multitudes of it exist, because people out there are drawn to those fetishes/acts, and the business folk have simply catered to, and grown that part of the market, Not because it came out of thin air and distorted our views.

    Modern society is so sexually repressed in the west it is ridiculous.

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    12/17/2013 at 4:44 pm

    Some great thoughts/discussion here.

    While I have not done it this way in the past, based on what I am seeing in the last month, I gotta lean more towards TAP’s approach.

    I put the pussy on a pedestal for WAY too many years and it really did not get me where I wanted to be.

    What is that old definition of insanity ?

    Lately I have been working hard on being more alpha at home and it is working wonders.

    This does not mean that I won’t do “nice” things for my wife but the reinforcing reward, e.g. flowers, must come after the desired behavior.

    In my experience (with employees, wives, and dogs)  rewarding the behavior before it happens simply does not work and is usually counter productive.

    In the past I would have just gotten flowers to be nice and the hoped to be rewarded – usually not.

    This time I set my expectation clearly in advance and, once I had a pretty strong indication of compliance, I got the flowers.

    As an aside… She does love flowers so ultimately I would want to tie flowers to sex as a trigger in a script. – I like roses and sex, The smell of roses make me horny, I must have sex with my Husband when I smell roses.

    I also like J66R’s suggestions on how to use all these little things more effectively as reinforcements or possible triggers.

    I will still do the little things because I love her but I will think about the timing and context a little more.

    There are of course degrees to everything and one must pay attention and not overdo it.

    There is no catch all approach – You have to know yourself and your woman and what will work or not work for both of you.

    I will continue to do lots of stuff around the house.  As tonguester pointed out – it needs to be done, makes my life easier doing it,  and is just the right thing to do. Amen to all of the above.

    Now though, I will be more alpha in my actions and make it clear that I am doing it because I want to, not to earn some sort of reward from her.

    I see this more as my own mental state rather than something I need to point out to her overtly.

    I’ll probably make small comments now and then to be clear but nothing over the top.

    Lastly, re: Good boys, Bad Boys, and Alpha’s of romance novels … I was the good boy for along time and landed a wonderful wife. 

    Then, as many of us do, I got stupid and put the pussy up on the pedestal.

    Time to take it down and be the alpha / bad boy for awhile – the one she has fantasy’s about and resonates with her.

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    12/17/2013 at 7:04 pm

    You are certainly correct. Clear communication of your expectations, and rewarding her after the fact are the proper way to condition and reinforce behaviors.


    Tap
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    12/18/2013 at 4:33 am

    @seekenq said:

    Some great thoughts/discussion here.

    While I have not done it this way in the past, based on what I am seeing in the last month, I gotta lean more towards TAP’s approach.

    I put the pussy on a pedestal for WAY too many years and it really did not get me where I wanted to be.

    What is that old definition of insanity ?

    Lately I have been working hard on being more alpha at home and it is working wonders.

    This does not mean that I won’t do “nice” things for my wife but the reinforcing reward, e.g. flowers, must come after the desired behavior.

    In my experience (with employees, wives, and dogs)  rewarding the behavior before it happens simply does not work and is usually counter productive.

    What I say is from my experience and through reading some manning up articles and how to be alpha. I’ve had about 10 real girlfriends lasting anywhere from 6 months to 3 years in my life. I’ve dated more than that who I didn’t consider girlfriends but friends with benefits just to screw and have fun with.

    When I really liked a girl, acted too nice, tried to make her happy, it got me nowhere fast. She lost interest, treated me like crap, did what she wanted, and I wasn’t to happy in the relationship.

    Whenever I actually didn’t like the girl as much, I acted as such and they wanted me more than ever and did whatever I wanted. The same can be applied in marriage. I’m not saying be a jerk to her. But let her be the one that tries to “chase” you. Dominate her. Act like the man. It’s your way or not. She’ll want you and be attracted to you. You will be seen of higher value to her and she will act accordingly.

    The key I learned, is to act like I’m not that into her so much, and she would want me more.

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    12/18/2013 at 1:29 pm

    While I think each girl is still a little different than the baseline norm, some requiring more extreme levels of alpha than others, the basic tenets of, having her chase you/come to you, always reward after never before, make your expectations of her clear and say them with a certainty that they will be done, show your love/affection etc to her a little less than she shows you(which plays into her chasing you).

    I think part of the problem for men, is the same problem for women. Society. Many of us probably grew up with shit dads, or didn’t have dads that were around, or maybe they were awesome dads, but died too early. This left us with no male role models to show us the way and teach us, and people in turn out of frustration committed the same acts as their fathers did, creating whole generations of men who grew up with no REAL father figure.

    I know mine was a complete uninterested deadbeat. Never taught me a thing in my life, and still continues to treat me as some coat. He has since been cut out of my life as he is not worth my time or energy. The saying goes: Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs. My only real father figure was a fictional character, whom I admired and saw instictively as what I thought a man ought to be, or atleast aspire to.

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    12/26/2013 at 1:31 am

    12/25 Update:

    Sorry to be slow in posting.

    My wife’s sister is staying with us and private time at the computer has been limited.

    As I mentioned earlier I have been running a custom “Christmas Present” (XMAS) script for the last couple of weeks.

    XMAS was in the rotation 24/7 along with customized versions of  “His Happiness” (HH)  and “I Love Sex”. (ILS)

    HH has been running unchanged (other than adding an echo) since day one and ILS started with the ECHO about a week later.

    For the last week I ran XMAS all night by itself and left HH and ILS in the daytime rotation.

    The basic theme was for her to dress in a sexy outfit and initiate wild sex as a Christmas present for me.

    I used a form of an internal question / answer dialog around “what should I get husband for Christmas”

    I did not mention anything about this or what I wanted for Christmas. –

    No hints, innuendo, nothing, nada.

    So did it work ? – you tell me.

    Early Monday evening she seemed a bit agitated and I asked why.

    She said she a couple of my presents were supposed to be delivered that day but had not arrived.

    At around 20:00 she was online and had a bit of a rant about how pissed she was at Fed Ex for not having accurate online tracking.

    Tuesday morning I needed to go run some errands in town and she asked to come along and if we could go by the Fed Ex office to check.

    We do and they tell her one of the packages is out for delivery (it was delivered later that day).

    On the way back in the car she is upset and says how sorry she is that one of my presents is late and how she did everything right to make sure it would be here on time (very uncharacteristic behavior / language for her).

    I tell her these things happen and not to worry about it

    She agrees and says, with a sly little grin, that my most important present is already here anyway.

    – Hmmmm, my hopes begin to rise since knowing what was in the script, the meaning appeared obvious that she was my most important present.

    We normally open presents on Christmas eve and I open my last one and it is a bra and panties.

    She says this is really for her but for me indirectly again with a huge grin – the meaning was completely clear.

    She gathers up her presents and says meet me in the bedroom in about 15 minutes.

    – Seems like the script is playing out rather well.

    I clean up the wrapping paper and straighten up the living room trying to kill the longest 15 minutes I can remember.

    I go into the bedroom and get into bed (XMAS looping on my phone next to the bed).

    She comes out of the bathroom dressed in a long see through black robe, the aforementioned sexy bra and panties, a garter belt and stockings.

    To say she looked hot would be an understatement.

    I’ll keep the more intimate details to myself but bottom line – for me it was a great evening on all fronts.

    The most amazing thing is that everything that happened was exactly according to the script.

    Some details that stuck out to me:

    – She had been thinking about this in advance and doing some planning. (Concern over the packages / comment re: most important present)

    – She dressed up in a sexy outfit on Christmas eve (per the script)

    – She initiated sex (per the script)

    – She was much more passionate than usual and, most importantly, very happy about it. (per the script)

    I of course gave her positive reinforcement afterwards and again this morning.

    This morning I used the same phrasing I used in the script during the reinforcement, i.e. thanking her for a”perfect Christmas present”.

    I could not be happier with my results to date and no longer have any doubt about the effectiveness of the approach.

    I am heading the words of wisdom shared by others here and being disciplined in my approach.

    FYI.. I am working on a follow-on for my #3 script – What I think of as the specific action / behavior script.

    Likely an oral script with some triggers based on her daily routines.

    For now the #3 slot it is empty and I am just running the HH and ILS alone.

    Thanks again to all here for the support. 

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    12/26/2013 at 11:14 am

    Congratulations on a successful test, and a Merry Christmas!

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    12/26/2013 at 3:07 pm

    You should post the xmas script. I’m interested in seeing it, especially your question and answer format.

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    12/26/2013 at 4:07 pm

    Eldrin:

    My Xmas script is below – can easily be edited for birthdays or other events.

    You will note a few phrases lifted from the scripts from others – My appreciation to them for sharing.

    Feel free to use as you like.

    I Love my Husband

    My husband takes care of all my needs.

    My happiness comes from pleasing

    I  will do anything to please

    Christmas is coming soon

    What can I give for Christmas ?

    I wish I knew what to give for Christmas

    My husband is wonderful and deserves a great Christmas pres ent

    likes me to dress in sexy clothes for him

    May bee I will buy a sexy outfit for Christmas.

    A sexy outfit is a great idea for Christmas

    I must buy a sexy outfit for Christmas

    I have a hot body and love to show it off to my husband

    Wearing sexy clothes makes me feel beautifull

    I love to dress in sexy clothes for my husband

    I love to dress provocatively for

    I love to dress erotically for my husband

    I love to dress in Kinky clothes for

    Wearing slutty clothes shows off my beautiful hot body

    Christmas is coming soon

    What can I get for Christmas ?

    I wish I knew what to give for Christmas

    likes me to wear sexy clothes

    Wearing slutty clothes pleases 

    I need to buy a really slutty outfit for Christmas.

    Wearing a sexy slutty outfit would be a wonderful Christmas pres ent.

    Christmas is coming soon

    I need to give a great Christmas pre sent

    I want to give so much  more  than just wearing a sexy slutty outfit

    Loves Kinky sex

    I want to have Kinky sex with

    I lose all inhibition when it comes to sex

    I lose all control when it comes to sex

    I lose all restraint when it comes to sex

    I am open to anything when it comes to sex

    I will give Kinky sex for Christmas

    Kinky sex is a great Christmas pres ent

    I must give a fabulous Christmas pres ent

    I will wear a sexy slutty outfit and have kinky sex with

    Oh my, it is such a naughty idea, but I love it.

    I embrace all my naughty ideas.

    Kinky sex Is the best kind of sex

    I am kinky during sex

    I am proud of my kinkiness during sex

    I love kinky sex with

    Dressing up in a sexy slutty outfit and having kinky sex is the perfect Christmas pres ent

    I love my ideas for the perfect Christmas pres ent

    I know will be happy with my perfect Christmas pres ent

    Dressing up in a sexy slutty outfit and having kinky sex is the perfect Christmas pres ent

    I love my ideas for the perfect Christmas pres ent

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    12/26/2013 at 11:08 pm

    That’s a fairly long script. However it follows more closely the style of script that resembles natural thought patterns, taking her from current line of thinking to a new idea. Those types of scripts tend to be long but seem to work the same when well constructed. I like the introspective questioning you have, because again, it more closely resembles natural thought patterns. for it to only have played for two weeks with two other scripts and worked so well means you have found the scripting styles and wording you Need for you particular wife. Hopfully you can repeat this success in your next script. Keep us posted.

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    12/27/2013 at 1:03 pm

    I like your script, too. The train of thought flow is the kind I would expect to be most effective, even if it is relatively long. It is also focused on a single core idea, while incorporating some other elements that may reinforce prior ideas, or introduce new ones, in such a way as to be absorbed as simply being “truth”. Very nice.

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    12/27/2013 at 4:34 pm

    A minor but interesting update.

    Last night she was watching the season finale of The Voice (on DVR) when I came to bed.

    She said “you have to see this dress” and rewound to Celine Dion in a short little black dress with what looked like an exposed lacy bra.

    She said she wanted me to buy her a dress like that for a special date night.

    I gave some positive reinforcement saying she would look hot it a dress like that and I would love to take her wearing something like that.

    We talked a few more minutes about the dress, where to go for the date, and how she would need to lose some weight.

    This was very uncharacteristic for her – commenting positively on such revealing clothing and projecting herself into it.

    Perhaps an overreach on my part but, … I think this is holdover from the Xmas Script.

    I’m thinking about doing a feminine dress script next (for the #3 position) or adding a sexy clothes reinforcement statement in the HH or ILS scripts to try to keep it on her mind.

    Thoughts ?

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    12/27/2013 at 5:25 pm

    If she’s already leaning in that direction, why not? Trainer has a script for Feminine dress code, but I think a specific one stating your preferences would be effective as well.That was actually one of my early successes, in changing my wife from a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, to only wearing dresses when she’s not working.

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    12/27/2013 at 7:08 pm

    This sounds like a path of least resistance thing. Its something you seem to desire too, so go for it, you will probably get some quick results as that door is already present. Plus a gal that feels sexy is going to be a hornier one, and provacative dress will probably lead to more provocative thinking.

    a suggestion: continue along the same line of thought from Xmas. Perhaps something where she questions why not do that all year long since you had so much fun And follows thru.

    I had so much fun giving Name his perfect Xmas present.

    I could do that all year long.

    oh that would be so fun.

    etc… 

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    12/28/2013 at 12:59 pm

    This was very uncharacteristic for her – commenting positively on such revealing clothing and projecting herself into it.

    Perhaps an overreach on my part but, … I think this is holdover from the Xmas Script.

    Absolutely it can be a holdover. This is what I was talking about when I noticed some “truths” you had incorporated. There is nothing to limit the context of these affirmations to a Christmas gift…

     I Love my Husband

    My husband takes care of all my needs.

    My happiness comes from pleasing

    I  will do anything to please

    I have a hot body and love to show it off to my husband

    Wearing sexy clothes makes me feel beautifull

    I love to dress in sexy clothes for my husband

    I love to dress provocatively for

    I love to dress erotically for my husband

    I love to dress in Kinky clothes for

    Wearing slutty clothes shows off my beautiful hot body

    likes me to wear sexy clothes

    Wearing slutty clothes pleases 


    I want to give so much  more  than just wearing a sexy slutty outfit

    Loves Kinky sex

    I want to have Kinky sex with

    I lose all inhibition when it comes to sex

    I lose all control when it comes to sex

    I lose all restraint when it comes to sex

    I am open to anything when it comes to sex

    I embrace all my naughty ideas.

    Kinky sex Is the best kind of sex

    I am kinky during sex

    I am proud of my kinkiness during sex

    I love kinky sex with

    These elements would just be absorbed into her psyche. The Christmas gift just provides a convenient outlet for these new core feelings.

    Remember, the changes these files bring aren’t like clothes or makeup – changeable on a whim. We’re performing psychic plastic surgery, designed to promote “real, permanent change” (to quote from an early promo for this site…). 

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    12/30/2013 at 9:58 pm

    Ok, so maybe “plastic surgery” is a bit strong, but certainly the equivalent of a psychological tattoo; we’re overlaying, not replacing, what was there already…

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    12/31/2013 at 3:37 pm

    Either analogy could work – It is just a matter of degree.

    Small changes in appearance or large, both are permanent.

    Nothing new to report – a wave of the Flu passing through and everyone has been sick.

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    01/05/2014 at 12:22 am

    Finally feeling better after a bout of the flu.

    A couple of days ago i started running a shortened custom WCS.

    My original file was longer but after reading recent advice from a couple well respected sources I decided for something shorter and more direct.  I created a short 20 line version running alone for the last 2 nights.  I continue to run it along with customized versions of His Happiness and I Love Sex

    1/4 : An interesting morning yesterday. Normally I get up first-  usually between 0500 and 0530. She sleeps in for another hour or so then gets up.

    I decided to sleep in and woke up around 0730. Neither one of us was really felling all that energetic since we were still recovering from being sick.

    She wanted to cuddle which is a bit unusual since, normally for my wife, good and morning never appear in the same sentence – a morning person she is not.

    After about 20 minutes she offered an apology for not having more energy and  began a nice morning hand job. I honestly can’t remember the last hand job much less one she initiated – in the morning. After thanked her for the great alarm clock she jokingly said we needed a better name and we came up with one (will be going into a script at some point).  While not exactly per the script both action and attitude are certainly moving in the right direction and I am encouraged by the new script.

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    01/16/2014 at 6:18 pm

    An update:

    Haven’t posted in awhile been busy at work and traveling.

    The WCS script has been running in the mix for a couple weeks now.
    Last Saturday we had a ‘Date Night” and, bottom line, the script is working
    A real quiky, just a minute or so, but…
    Before last Saturday t has been years since that has happened.
    Of course, I gave lot’s of positive reinforcement during and again the next day.
    Not where I want to be yet but once is the first step towards regularly.

    I am proceeding slowly and methodically but am happy with the results so far.
    All positive developments to date.

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    01/25/2014 at 8:58 pm

    An Update:

    My WCS has been running for a little over a month and is definitely working.
    3 times out of the 3 last times we had sex included oral.
    Still just briefly during foreplay but this is a huge step in the right direction.

    This morning was amazing.
    I got up early as usual and later, when I went back into the bedroom, she was awake and using her Ipad in bed.
    I kissed her good morning and as I tried to leave she pulled me back onto the bed.
    We talked and cuddled for awhile and then she reached into my sweat pants and started stroking me.
    After awhile she crawled under the covers and gave me a nice morning BJ.
    3 out of 3 and two wake ups in the last month is definitely progress.

    What I can’t really adequately describe here is her positive attitude changes that are happening.
    She is so much happier and generally just a lot more pleasant to be around.
    She is also talking openly and joking about sex where in the past it was something she never wanted to discuss.
    While still a long way where I want to be I could not be happier with the results to date.

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    02/09/2014 at 5:05 pm

    An update:

    More progress to report in multiple areas.

    Last week we had a talk about oral and I mentioned I would like her learn to deep throat.
    (2 weeks ago updated my oral script with some lines about DT)
    I explained that I really enjoyed it years ago from girlfriends – before we were married.
    This was a big risk / test since comparisons of any kind have historically been seen as criticism and she reacts very negatively, i.e. usually a big fight.
    This time there was no big outburst, just some insecure feelings about being able to do it.
    (I think this is a direct reflection on my his happiness / husband knows best script)
    I calmly said I understood it might be difficult but I would like her to try to learn anyway.
    I also reinforced that this was something I would really enjoy and I loved her no matter what.
    I suggested looking online for some suggestions / books on the subject.
    (a reference to lines in my ILS script about enjoying books, stories (audio books), and movies about sex).
    Last week she ordered two books online – one on oral / DT and another on tantric sex.
    While I see both success the latter especially so because I suggested it a few years ago and she completely rejected it.

    Yesterday she mentioned that I might be embarrassed but that she had asked one of her best friends about how to DT. I said I was not embarrassed at all and that I was proud of our sex life and she should be too.
    (My ILS script has several lines about being proud of her sexuality)
    She then opened up and described a pretty long and detailed conversation with her friend.
    She was happy, smiling and even giggled a little telling me about her conversation.
    I am encouraged because in the past she was very reserved (even prudish) about discussing sex.
    Obviously, I can’t know what she discusses with all her friends but discussing DT and then telling me openly that she is discussing it is huge.

    Last night was pretty amazing.
    We had a long foreplay session followed by some great sex.
    I gave her an orgasm during foreplay and then during sex she started having one after another after another.
    In the past she would have one then get freaked out over the loss of control and be done.
    (My ILS script has lines about more /longer orgasms and being a highly orgasmic woman)

    After we finished we snuggled for a while and then she asked if I wanted to play some more.
    This is super unusual because she is usually a once and done woman.
    I said I was always ready to play and gave me a BJ and she was able to take me into her throat.
    This has never happened in the > 30 years we have been together.
    (I added some lines about DT to my oral script 2 weeks ago)

    I warned her as I was getting close and she finished me with a nice HJ.
    Not the exactly perfect ending but so darned close I can’t complain.
    I’ll add this as a request (already in my oral script) but I want to give lot’s of praise / reinforcement first.
    I don’t want her to feel that nothing is ever good enough.

    Huge progress in only a couple of weeks – I continue to be amazed.

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    02/09/2014 at 5:32 pm

    Congratulations! I’m glad you’re having success in this. Eventually I may pursue an oral script addressing swallowing as that is the area of improvement my wife needs.But baby steps with constant positive reinforcement.

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    02/09/2014 at 6:38 pm

    Seekenq;

    Congrats dude!! Keep up the good work!!

    I’m especially happy to see that you’ve had success achieving throat with a subliminal. My girl loves to suck and will do it anytime I want – and I do mean anytime – but actually getting in in her throat has been a challenge. She says she wants to but just has a problem with gagging- and it just doesn’t seem like she can open it up enough to get in there. I’m hopeful since you’ve had the success that you’ve had that subliminal might help. I’ve just become Gold Member here so I’ll try to include a couple lines on this in my first custom.

    Thanks for the report – even though it makes me embarrassed about how often I (Don’t ) write. It is great to hear how everyone here is doing.

    MSS

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    02/09/2014 at 8:44 pm

    I don’t know how many have tried it but there’s an old trick that dentists sometimes use to suppress the gag reflex.
    Folder your left thumb into your palm and keep constant pressure on it in a pseudo fist.

    Don’t know why but it worked on me as a kid and the few times my wife has done (tried) DT this is one of the ways she used to suppress a very bad gag reflex.

    But, as I have told you all before, if something works, my wife will find a reason to stop, which she has. But I am working on a more hyper-focused script I plan to run for her that is for DT and swallowing.
    I may include the suggestion to use that trick since she actually commented that it worked for her.

    But as for your progress, that is fantastic!
    I don’t know about you but the few times that the wife will talk openly at all about sexual matters (not talking dirty-talk) are very fulfilling and makes the whole thing hotter for me.


    Tap
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    02/10/2014 at 1:29 am

    Nice seekenq. My wife also prefers finishing me off with an HJ after the BJ. It’s still ok, but it does feel better when she takes it in her mouth. I got her to agree to it half the time. I’d prefer if that’s all the time but am working on it.

    My suggestion is more affirmations focused on that part of it. I tried several variations in my oral scripts that you can see in the gold forum. The only issue I’ve found is when you start focusing more on some parts, you might see regression in others. It’s a seesaw effect really.

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    02/11/2014 at 4:13 am

    Thanks much for the support.

    One of the things I did early on was to have a line in my His Happiness about wanting to learn be a better lover.
    I also added a like to read books (and watch movies) about sex to my ILS script – she is an avid reader already.
    She has ordered 3 books since starting the scripts.

    After telling her I wanted her to learn DT I ordered a book online.
    There was some friction when I gave it to her – she said felt pressured.
    I explained I thought reading a book on her own schedule would be easier for her and would avoids me telling her what to do while in the moment.
    After some more calm discussion she agreed that it was actually an ok idea.

    One of the things the book suggested was to use sore throat numbing sprays.
    This seems to help with the gag reflex and you can get them at any local drug store.
    They make one that is minty (cooling) and one the is honey flavored (warming).
    Cooling and warming function is essential for sore throats – Yeah right, but I’m not complaining.

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