Old flame Journal – Continued

[seekenq]

02/19/2014 at 6:54 am

First – I moved this to the gold section as I was getting uncomfortable posting more details in the public sections.

An update:
Things continue to progress very nicely. She continues to amaze me with her new attitude towards sex and her sexuality. FYI: My core message (repeated several times) in my ILS script is around being uninhibited, adventurous, and trying new things. Things that a only a few months ago would have been completely out of the question are becoming routine and, most importantly, she is excited and more than happy about it.

An example: A couple of weeks ago we were out clothes shopping for me – I needed some new clothes for work. She wanted to look for some shoes and while there I found a pair of 6″ black leather platform heels. I showed them to her and said these would look good on her. In the past anything even close to this would have been met with eye rolls and her essentially telling me no way in this lifetime. This time she looked at them and tried them on. This Thursday she came home from shopping very excited to show her new purchases. Yep, the 6″ platform heels and a really sexy short little dress. It was kind of hard for me to pay attention while she modeled them for me told me what a great deal she got on them. (she loves to find things on sale and tell me all about it). We did have a short discussion about asking permission first before spending money but honestly my heart just wasn’t in it. Honestly, I had to make it more of a joke than anything else.

The following is a bit of a departure from scripts and subliminals. Nonetheless I think others might find it useful so please bear with me and at the end I have a favor to ask.

I think I have discovered an great companion product to use along with the scripts – at least for us Vanilla guys 
As I mentioned she is an avid reader. A few weeks ago we had a serious sit down discussion where I explained that I wanted her to make a real commitment to the sexual side of our relationship. She agreed and asked how she should begin. I had done some research and suggested some books by putting them in our Amazon wish list. I did it this way so she would take the action (commitment) from a limited number or preselected choices.
Of the 5 I put on the list she selected 52 Invitations to Great Sex by Laura Corn. The premise of the book and other like it, is a collection of sealed invitations separated into for her and for him. You take turns tearing out the invitations and then setting up a date night around what is inside. You send out a sexy but kind of cryptic invitation and your partner RSVP’s. Your part is some detailed instructions which your partner does not get to see (this is one of the beauties of the whole situation).

On date night you show up and act out the scenario. We have done a couple each and they have all been pretty hot all on their own. When you add in the scripts IMHO they may become an ideal combination. On her nights you get an opportunity for lots of positive reinforcement for the scripts. Last Friday was her turn and I was treated to the aforementioned shoes and dress, a porno she picked out and bought (WHICH HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN 30 YEARS) and a variation of “the interrogation scene” from Basic Instinct. More than a little there on which to give positively reinforcement. The only down side is I no longer need most of the feminine dress script I have been working on

The author encourages you to be creative and, because your partner never sees the actual scene, you have some great opportunities. On my last date night I adlibbed a blindfold into it. The blindfold converted it from a simple all over erotic body massage with sexy background music to something a little kinkier. Feeding her ice cream with berries and champagne while blindfolded at the end was a lot of fun too. She LOVED the blindfold and has mentioned a repeat performance a couple of times now. I am hoping this is a long repressed submissive side coming to the surface.

This week is my turn again and the theme is a two nickels and that is about all she knows from the invitation. The setup for the scene basically like this: you have her stand up and lean over the bed / dresser with a pillow on top. You have her place her hands up on either side of her head and place a nickel on each wrist. You then slowly tease her to the brink of orgasm and count out loud each time a nickel falls off. When she can’t stand it anymore you finish her off. At the end you tell her she owes you a sexual favor for each dropped nickel. All of this is pretty much right out of the book.

This morning she asked again about a repeat performance I said I would try to work it into this week’s date – so the blindfold and sexy music is on for sure (this time with subliminals embedded). I would like to adapt this latest scenario to help bring out more of her submissive side and encourage her to give up more control. This is a ore theme in my his happiness / submissive to husband script.

Now the favor to ask:

I ‘m looking for any ideas / suggestions from you guys with more experience on how to gently guide her toward giving up more control and being more submissive through this scene. Note: She has been really afraid of ANY kind of bondage in past. Obviously the Nickels are a mild form of bondage but hopefully one where she can give up more control without getting scared or feeling restrained. I want this to be a positive experience for her that will allow her to go a little further later on.

[eldrin81]

02/19/2014 at 5:16 pm

the key is to make the bondage into a game. Roleplaying helps. Have her slip into the role of someone who is naturally submissive as a ‘fun game’. Have a safety word set up etc. Don’t go hardcore with the bondage unless she asks for it. Use bonds that are more comfortable and less extreme at first, like silk fabric or something.

[xythont]

02/20/2014 at 11:40 am

I’ll have to look into that book. And definitely try the nickels.
May I recommend Imaginative Sex by John Norman? There’s a lot of roleplay scenarios, almost all of them D/s to one degree or another.

Available here.

[Tap]

02/21/2014 at 4:20 am

It’s why I had moved my journal to the gold section, for more privacy. You figure only those who paid the money for gold, the true subliminal users, can read your journal as opposed to anyone who just stumbles on the site.

[seekenq]

02/22/2014 at 5:12 pm

Guys:

I could use some script writing suggestions, or alpha suggestions on my part, or both.
My wife often fills her days with lots of activities then has no time / is too tired for sex.

She is enthusiastic about talking about sex and being sexual (right attitude) but never makes time for it (wrong behavior).
Unless sex is scheduled in advance, i.e. date night, she is either too busy or too tired.
We have had a couple of sit down talks on the subject and she is apologetic but claims she just does not have the energy.
She has been recovering from an illness so I have been pretty accommodating because I truly believed she needed to rest.

Lately however she is feeling better and instead of doing more and more.
This is part very old pattern which has recently resurfaced, i.e. plan too much / do too much
I think it is s form of resistance/avoidance that I would like to break through.

I am frequently away from home for work and when I am home I want her to be always open and available.
In my “perfect world” I would be able to demand sex any time day or night and anywhere.
I already have lines in my scripts about my happiness and me being the most important thing, obeying, etc.
I’m having a tough time coming up with positive statements to get her to do less so she has energy for sex.
Suggestions greatly appreciated.

[Tap]

02/22/2014 at 5:23 pm

I always have energy for sex.
I am energized to have sex.
I am full of energy for sex.
I save my energy to have sex.
I conserve my energy for sex.
I lessen my activities, to have energy for sex.

I think you should focus more on having or conserving energy for sex. She might be using no energy as an excuse, but if it’s the real reason, if she thinks she has a lot of energy still, then she should have sex. Sometimes the idea of being tired is all in the mind.

[Fizbin]

02/22/2014 at 5:54 pm

I feel your pain! I like your idea, Tap. In my case, I want her to go full time housewife, though that still might not cure the overworking herself bit…

[tonguester4_69]

02/22/2014 at 6:06 pm

Perhaps something like:
Sex is a priority in my marriage.
Sex makes me feel more connected to my husband.
Sex is the glue that bonds me to my husband.

[eldrin81]

02/22/2014 at 9:48 pm

@seekenq said:

Guys:

I could use some script writing suggestions, or alpha suggestions on my part, or both.
My wife often fills her days with lots of activities then has no time / is too tired for sex.

She is enthusiastic about talking about sex and being sexual (right attitude) but never makes time for it (wrong behavior).
Unless sex is scheduled in advance, i.e. date night, she is either too busy or too tired.
We have had a couple of sit down talks on the subject and she is apologetic but claims she just does not have the energy.
She has been recovering from an illness so I have been pretty accommodating because I truly believed she needed to rest.

Lately however she is feeling better and instead of doing more and more.
This is part very old pattern which has recently resurfaced, i.e. plan too much / do too much
I think it is s form of resistance/avoidance that I would like to break through.

I am frequently away from home for work and when I am home I want her to be always open and available.
In my “perfect world” I would be able to demand sex any time day or night and anywhere.
I already have lines in my scripts about my happiness and me being the most important thing, obeying, etc.
I’m having a tough time coming up with positive statements to get her to do less so she has energy for sex.
Suggestions greatly appreciated.

Here’s my two cents:

I love having sex with NAME so much.
Seeing NAME makes me so horny.
Being horny gives me energy.
I always save energy for sex with NAME.
I always make time for sex with NAME.
I am motivated to have sex with NAME.
I always give NAME sex on demand.
I am happy giving NAME sex on demand.

[seekenq]

03/04/2014 at 4:09 pm

I have been reading some great postings in the submissive script thread and it got me thinking about pronouns.
Right now my term of endearment is sweetie and I would like to move away from that.
I am struggling a bit with “entry level” pronouns for her that will gently move her towards selflessness – both in scripts and in “real life”
Good girl, Doll, Pet, Other Suggestions ?

A related update:

My wife has a strong objection to the word slave and the concept of sexual slavery.
She brought the subject up in conversation yesterday (about something unrelated to our relationship) and her reaction was strongly and very emotionally negative.
As in emotionally completely out of context for where we were (at a restaurant) and the tone of the discussion.
We discussed it and she said was opposed to objectification of women, etc., etc.
She also had a strong reaction about giving up control which is a core issue for her.
I said I thought that it was really about trusting completely and unconditionally.
I asked her to do some self examination on why she had such strong emotions on the subject.

BTW: When we first met she was well on her way to becoming a hardcore feminist (taking classes and reading all kinds of books).
I think this was a reaction to earlier abuse that she still has not been able to heal.
Once we met she dropped the fesbian lemonist leanings but, unfortunately, I think much of that negative programming is still in there.

Thinking back on the conversation I’m thinking her reaction could be ia push back reaction to the subliminals.
My scripts do have a strong obedience messaging and I have references me to as her Master.
They also have strong messaging about giving up control and enjoying giving up control.
The base scripts been running for about 6 weeks now so they should be starting to take hold.
Last weekend I “firmed up” the obedience/Master/giving up control messages but left the scripts largely unchanged.
At this point I feel like I should stay the course and just watch for signs of more push back.

I have not experienced any real push back so far so it is a bit new to me.
Comments and suggestions welcome.

[MasterSouthernStar]

03/04/2014 at 6:09 pm

Seekenq;

Sure sounds like pushback to me – although very light pushback. I think your suggestion that she examine how she arrived at that viewpoint is an excellent one. My experience has been that if the opinion is maintained by emotion, examination – or true examination anyway – is not at all likely. Emotional attitudes tend to protect themselves by shielding themselves from reason. When they can’t avoid it, they merely deny it. But reason IS the best tool for movement on those attitudes. You just have to come at it FROM reason. Don’t start with the emotion and work into reason – start from teh reason end of it and work into the emotionally held opinion.

Unfortunately I’ve crossed this with my girl a few times – not on feminist issues but other things – and it’s not fun. But it can be effective. Just remember that an emotionally held opinion doesn’t need to make sense to be considered perfect by the person who holds it. Between that and remembering that any challenge to an emotionally held opinion will likely be considered a personal attack – this becomes a dangerous minefield of sorts. Best of luck.

MSS

[trainer81]

03/04/2014 at 7:45 pm

Yes, I do believe that women like to “test” us to see whether we are serious.

One way of taking control that she should not object to… plan a date for the two of you. You plan everything, from what she will wear, to where you will eat, and so on…

You buy her a new dress. You buy her new sexy lingerie to wear under it. You make the dinner reservations at an elegant/romantic restaurant. If circumstances allow, you book a room at a hotel. If you have kids, you make babysitter/grandparent arrangements. You literally take care of EVERYTHING. Familiarize yourself with the menu and order for both of you.

If she tries to take charge at any time, just tell her that tonight is a special night for her, that you have taken care of everything, and you just want her to relax and enjoy herself. Don’t explicitly state that she is giving up control, but let’s face it, that’s what she’s doing.

You show her that she can follow your lead and enjoy herself and she’ll be more likely to do it in the future. You can even encourage it via the subliminals – obeying husband is fun/enjoyable, I enjoy letting my husband take control, etc…

[gtbear]

03/04/2014 at 9:08 pm

@seekenq said:

I have been reading some great postings in the submissive script thread and it got me thinking about pronouns.
Right now my term of endearment is sweetie and I would like to move away from that.
I am struggling a bit with “entry level” pronouns for her that will gently move her towards selflessness – both in scripts and in “real life”
Good girl, Doll, Pet, Other Suggestions ?

honey bubble
sweet thing
love puppy
matress kitten
sweet cheeks
sugar
honey bun
toy
my little (whatever)
sweets
sweet lips
baby
baby girl
girl / puppy / kitten
little one
sexy
sexy one
wiggles
cuddle pie
snuggles

[eldrin81]

03/04/2014 at 10:05 pm

Mattress kitten. I like that one lol. Similar to sex kitten.

[xythont]

03/05/2014 at 11:54 pm

@gtbear said:

@seekenq said:

I have been reading some great postings in the submissive script thread and it got me thinking about pronouns.
Right now my term of endearment is sweetie and I would like to move away from that.
I am struggling a bit with “entry level” pronouns for her that will gently move her towards selflessness – both in scripts and in “real life”
Good girl, Doll, Pet, Other Suggestions ?

honey bubble
sweet thing
love puppy
matress kitten
sweet cheeks
sugar
honey bun
toy
my little (whatever)
sweets
sweet lips
baby
baby girl
girl / puppy / kitten
little one
sexy
sexy one
wiggles
cuddle pie
snuggles

I’ll have to remember these as well. Thanks!