Newbie requesting advice…

[D]

04/17/2015 at 12:22 pm

Hello,
I just joined as a Premium Member yesterday, and spent all of last evening and this morning reading through all the material presented, as well as the numerous posts throughout the forums. I am a Software Engineer, and as such am completely confident in my engineering skills. But I recognize this type of activity is more nuanced and can only be honed through practice and the success of others. I have gleaned about as much as I think I can without actual practice, but I am looking for a roadmap from those of you who have been doing this for a long time.

About Us
My wife (J) and I have been married for almost 14 years. J is a homemaker, and homeschools our 3 young sons. We are a Christian household, and while I am not as active in my biblical studies as she, I recognize the role God has outlined for a husband much along the same lines as Tap.

Negatives

• J has issues with low energy, such to the point she is exhausted by the end of the day after the boys go to sleep. If I don’t initiate something within a 1 hour window, I wind up requesting a hand job. Sometimes she falls asleep in the middle of the activity. She has no issues falling asleep, but she doesn’t stay asleep and I believe that is part of the issue.
• She understands that I physically require sex, but does not prioritize it. Biblically she knows it’s her responsibility as a wife, but that is not compelling enough consciously. When we have sex it is really good, but she doesn’t allow for any foreplay, which I enjoy. Sexual frequency is about 3 times a month, with sessions lasting about 10 – 15 minutes, unless I am going out of town. When she feels there is a potential for me to be tempted, she makes a little more effort before I leave.
• Blow jobs are out, not because she has an aversion to my penis, but because she has a very strong gag reflex, and feels like her mouth is too small. My penis is average size in girth, so I think this is more an issue with not liking the feeling of having her mouth full, perhaps a sensation of being smothered / trapped? She has never swallowed.
• She does not like being tied or held down. It makes her feel trapped and it scares her. Accomplishing anything on this front would be amazing.
• She is very concerned about appropriate behavior. By this I mean a peck on the lips is the extent of our public affection. Even behind closed doors there are some things that are just not appropriate, such as being completely naked in the light, excessive tongue play, anal play, etc.
• She does not feel sexy, and needs to lose about 30 pounds.
• She has psoriasis, and that is a constant battle for her. She is itchy all the time.
• She will let me watch soft core while she gives me a hand job, but real porn disgusts her.
• She has a heightened sense of modesty when it comes to showing her body to me, letting me caress her (tickles), lick her, etc. She has never masturbated since we’ve been married, and certainly would not allow me to watch if she did.
• She dresses conservatively, which is fine publicly. But in the bedroom it’s pajama bottoms and a shirt. Never naked, never in just panties and bra. She only wore lingerie one time, and that was our honeymoon.
• She will not talk dirty. It makes her “feel silly”.
• I have a mild foot fetish. Guess what, “feet are dirty”.
• Breast / nipple play does nothing for her.

Positives

• She is naturally submissive, and is a pleaser. God is powerful in our lives, and I believe He can help with acting on her wifely duties. She just needs a push to get past her inhibitions and what I call her “convent upbringing”. Her parents are not affectionate, and consequently she is not very affectionate.
• She has, on very few occasions, been incredibly horny. Almost every time this has been when she was intoxicated, and so I believe it is related to removing inhibitions.
• She has woken me up in the morning to have a quickie. Very rare, but it has happened.
• In the midst of a powerful orgasm she will ask me to “fuck” her harder, but it is rare.
• Just recently I have gotten on video chat while out of town and convinced her to show me her breasts. I asked her if she would rather I masturbate looking at porn of some woman, or her. She has done this the past 3 nights in a row, and even if it’s only a brief flash, I believe it’s a promising start to overcoming her modesty.

What I Want (no particular order)

• Submit to me in the bedroom and be my slut. Want to please me in whatever way I desire. Surprise me with morning blow jobs or sex.
• Carry herself more confidently and sexily in public, and have that same level of confidence sexually when pleasing me. Just be more sexy in general.
• Follow my dress code. Sleep naked, dress like a slut when we’re in the bedroom, etc.
• Follow my hygiene requirements. Clean shaven; cleaned out colon; brush her teeth, floss, and mouthwash twice a day.
• Give her a mild foot fetish.
• Enhance her breast / nipple sensitivity.
• Open her up to deep conversations, engaging me on a level she never focuses on.
• Strengthen her love for me to deeper levels than they are already.
• Talk dirty to me. Not porn star dirty (they are ridiculous), but more than what she currently does.
• Make love to my penis with her mouth and tongue, and enjoy the taste, warmth, and texture of my semen anywhere I put it.
• Lose weight healthily and keep it off.
• Find a way to restore some of her energy, whether with sleep or something else.
• Provide her some form of relief from being itchy all the time. Maybe even find a way to work on the auto-immune issue of her psoriasis.

I know it’s a laundry list, and I’m pretty sure I’ve left some things out. I’m also not sure if subliminal only is the best method. I’ve toyed with trying to do hypnosis for a long time, and she can go into a trance on her own where she just looks off into space and “zones out”. But I haven’t studied the techniques at all, and am concerned about making a lot of amateur mistakes. And hypnotizing her up front is problematic, because she thinks it can’t work. I’ve thought about just using subliminal to get her to submit to me and believe hypnosis can work. Then from there working on hypnosis directly to address the other items.

Or is it possible to get all of these things worked out over the course of a year, by starting with the basics like Happy Husband and Sub Wife, and then working on custom scripts from there? As I said, I think I need a roadmap so that I approach things in the proper sequence for the best and longest lasting results, so please let me know what you guys think.

And thank you.

[tonguester4_69]

04/18/2015 at 7:58 pm

Welcome! After reading your post, I’d like to give my two cents, for whatever it’d worth. Most of the issues you would like to see sexually seem to me to be what I call “control issues”. In other words, she determines for all practical purposes, when where and how you conduct any form of intimacy. This is a common problem, I believe with most Christian women.
A good place to begin, is using Submissive Thoughts, along with His Happiness. These two would reinforce what she knows to be true according to Scripture, and serve as a reminder throughout the day. In working with my wife, I found it also helpful, to take scripture relating to marriage, and have discussions with her, as to what the verses mean, most especially ones relating the husband as the master, and God’view of the husband’s authority.What I’m taking away form your description, is that she agrees with the idea of submission, but as soon as she gets uncomfortable with your leadership, she feels she can subvert you. This is really not something she does intentionally, she’s just following the pattern, she’s been trained into. What we’re doing here, is trying to re-train these patterns that she’s learned into new patterns that will help her to be more uninhibited.One of the passages I started, is in Genesis when man first fell. If you remember God came looking for them in the garden, and they hid, because, according to them, they were naked. God’s reply was, ” Who told you were naked?”. I interpreted this as, them making their own judgement as to what was proper, completely forgetting that if they had needed to be covered God would have given them to them.
Like you and Tap as well as a few others here, I am also a Christian, so I understand that there are probably limits as to how far you’re willing to go, and respect that.
Lastly I want to emphasize patience in this process. The most common mistake here, and has happened time and time again starting out is trying for too much too fast. The rule of thumb that has shown the most success for most here. is no more than two files, and to give them a least a month to see any real changes. There may be some intermittent changes, before then, but that doesn’t mean the file has done it’s work. So the key word is PATIENCE.
Hopefully others will chime in with their own thoughts, as I have seen many times before. These are my thoughts, for whatever value you may take from them. If I can be of any further help, I’m more than willing to share anything I’ve learned in my time here. Wishing you the best for your marriage, and again, WELCOME!

[D]

04/21/2015 at 3:29 pm

Thanks for your reply Tonguester. I was hoping more would chime in by now, but I appreciate getting some feedback at any rate. Hopefully others will provide their feedback soon.

I agree that most of the “issues” I’ve listed are related to the fundamental belief that she can subvert me on topics she is uncomfortable with. By ignoring my will, she can force me to either get angry or back down. I have gotten her to agree with putting a white noise generator in our room at night to try to help her sleep. This generator is simply going to be an mp3 player speaker that runs the Rain converter all night. After a few weeks of that, I will switch it out with Sub Wife and His Happiness and see how things go for a month. During that time I intend to start working up some custom scripts, and will post them here for evaluation and advice.

On a different note, can someone explain this “sledgehammer” / “echo” approach to subliminals, and where I might find downloads and instructions on how to create them?

[trainer81]

04/21/2015 at 3:37 pm

Sounds good I think you got a fine starting plan…

I’m currently researching and working on a new version of sledgehammer since I pulled the existing programs

See a sledgehammer is not just one subliminal voice but 2 or 3 voices speaking at the same time for say. My research is going well but it is in between projects right now.

Tip for yeah Keep the subliminal messages short and simple and go slow, you’ll see results within time.

Trainer81

[D]

04/21/2015 at 3:55 pm

Thanks for the quick reply Trainer. My research through all the years of posts here indicated that short and slow were the most effective at achieving lasting results. The way I see it, I’ve been patient for 14 years, so what’s one more?

Interesting to know the sledgehammer program is in transition. I look forward to seeing your progress. Hopefully I can tie that in to my custom scripts when I get to that point.

[trainer81]

04/21/2015 at 4:11 pm

All let you know first hand through my Dream Girls blog when sledgehammer is ready for open beta testing…

You might like this eBook https://dreamgirlsgt.com/members-area/?menu_id=&id=206&fid=56&download=Forming-New-Habits-eBook forming new habits

Trainer81

[D]

04/21/2015 at 5:14 pm

Also, does anyone have any recommendations for an all-in-one sd card mp3 player with speakers? Do I need stereo or will a single speaker suffice?

[trainer81]

04/21/2015 at 5:58 pm

You can purchase a MP3 player picture frame on ebay or amazon. I bought two awhile back and my girl loves looking at the pictures. Yes Amy knows it’s playing subliminal messages

Close to what I bought http://www.amazon.com/Coby-DP356BLU-3-5-Inch-Digital-Photo/dp/B003D5XTRU/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1429664042&sr=8-7&keywords=mp3+picture+frame this frame is an update version though.

[Tap]

04/21/2015 at 7:21 pm

I’d recommend playing silents instead of rain files. It’s easy to make custom silents and you won’t even have to tell her anything is playing.

[Fizbin]

04/21/2015 at 8:12 pm

On the plus side, he already got her to agree to the “white noise”, so rain should be just fine.

As for speakers, the only issue I have had is finding one that doesn’t either have obnoxiously bright lights while it plays, or mysteriously decode the files so that you can hear the real message.

[D]

04/21/2015 at 9:59 pm

@Tap said:

I’d recommend playing silents instead of rain files. It’s easy to make custom silents and you won’t even have to tell her anything is playing.

As Fizbin said, I have gotten her to agree to the rain sounds, and it provides me with an easy way to put extra equipment in the room. Having said that, she needs a good alarm clock. Is there one that I could use that has mp3 sd card capability? That would work for silents. Also, I’m assuming the issue with custom scripts and rain is the cutoff time of the rain inside the loop, versus silents stop when they stop?

[Fizbin]

04/22/2015 at 3:37 am

I think it is just the added complexity of mixing the tracks, not so much the sync. You just need to ensure you have enough complete loops of the noise to cover the subliminal. A little gap between subliminal cycles as the noise loop completes isn’t a bad thing, and giving the subconscious a short break could even be beneficial.

[adrz74]

04/22/2015 at 7:58 am

His Happiness is probably my favorite subliminal here. I played it for months and definitely saw real change with my wife. Great place to start and I’d keep it in the rotation, even as you add in other things.

The best advice I can give you is to be congruent with what the subliminals are teaching her. You want her to be your sub, which means you have to be her dom. You have to be the alpha male that she needs.

I have three book recommendations:
“No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover
“Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch
“What Do Women Want?” by Daniel Bergner

I’ve discussed the first two in other threads, but I’m not sure I’ve said much about the last one. I highly recommend it because it shows scientifically that women are highly sexual. People refuse to believe it, but it’s absolutely true. There is, however, one (HUGE) caveat.

Both men and women LOVE to have great sex. Obviously. But the key difference between men and women is this: women prefer NO SEX AT ALL to bad sex, while men obviously will tolerate bad sex if that’s all we are offered. In fact, if you want to make her stop and think, tell her that you will no longer settle for bad sex or a hand job. As her husband, you deserve the best that she has to offer, and that you would rather wait. Quality over quantity.

First of all, if you do this, it should be done in conjunction with other changes (more on that in a minute). Second – she will definitely TEST you. At bedtime three days later, she’ll say how she’s really tired, but that she’d be happy to give you a hand job because she knows you must need a release. DON’T DO IT. She (unconsciously) wants to see whether you will stick to your word. As all Christians know, women have been testing men from the very beginning and that will never change.

OK, back to the “other changes.” As the husband/father, you are in charge of the household and setting the ground rules and expectations. Ideally, you would make some small improvement in your own life first before setting demands on everyone else. I hate to presume what that might be, but hey, we can all get better in some way, right? Eat better, exercise more, sleep longer, start meditating, more Bible study, more prayer…. When she sees you being a MAN and improving yourself, she will follow your lead when you start to set ground rules for her as a wife and mother. As you do this, be sure to use some of the language from the subliminals, “It would make me so HAPPY if you did [XYZ]” (One of the reasons I like His Happiness is because it is vague, so the subconscious is constantly searching for specific ways to carry out the instructions of making you happy.)

So now, you’ll have a little free time every night since you won’t be receiving mediocre hand jobs… see if you can use that time to connect with her on a deeper level as you mentioned in your post. Again, she will probably test you to see whether you’re actually serious about this. And talking to women has its own set of issues. If you understand what the guy does wrong in this scene, you’ll be ok: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV37oPF95_s

I have mostly moved onto hypnosis at this point. I can tell you that it definitely works. (I should update my hypnosis thread here…) If you make progress over the next couple months, I’m pretty sure she’d be happy to try it, even if she doesn’t think it’ll work. Just tell her it’s a way for her to relax and feel good. Who is opposed to that?

Good luck…

[adrz74]

04/22/2015 at 8:02 am

Just adding one thing…

On your list of “What I want,” I believe you can get all of that. (Well, ok, I don’t know anything about psoriasis, but everything else is doable.)

[J66R]

10/21/2015 at 11:29 am

@D,

I know it’s been a while since this was posted, but I did not see any updates to this thread or to others by you on how things are going when I searched your screen name.

Search for some of my posts. I started out very similar to how you and your wife did, Christian, married for a wile, sexual and submissive issues . . EXECPT . . . absolutely NONE of the positives no alcohol to rely on to reveal a latent sex-kitty, ever, and over 20 years married in that state!

To make a very long story short, I do not visit here except every few months, mostly I’m done. I’m done because this stuff worked with my wife, without a doubt!

Everything has improved but I’ll just mention the sex.

I am getting sex of some sort at the very minimum of every other day, sometimes more than once a day (admittedly not often) and at least 2-3 BJ a week, full, complete, swallowing BJ’s that 99% of the time are as deep as she can go, and she just keeps trying to go deeper. Not even when we were first married did I get it this often or this willingly or was she this eager to please me.

What I think was the key, given we are also a Christian family?

One point I heartedly endorse, that has been discussed, and there is some disagreement and some waffling on the topic, is to include affirmations that God wants or approves of what you are wanting from her.

To assuage your guilt I’d advise you to examine you own beliefs, and read the topic threads that discuss the issue and then construct scripts that fit your interpretations of what is acceptable to your values. You can always go farther later if you feel it necessary and your beliefs “evolve”. But, if you compromise what you believe is permissible now it will backfire on you in how you live up to the role you are setting you self up to live by changing her role in the relationship and thus demanding you fill a different role as well. (this is another concept from some of the controversial topics.)

Any way, good luck and God Bless both of you.

[Tap]

10/24/2015 at 8:15 am

J66R, it’s been awhile. It’s good to hear things are going well with you. I haven’t been back here in a few months either I noticed. Life kind of comes around and I’ve been slacking on getting her to really listen to the subliminals. For me, I still get the BJs, etc. but I have noticed her pushing back sometimes in how she talks to me. I think she is slowly reverting to her old self in some ways.

It serves as a reminder that this is not totally permanent, and you have to consistently play the subliminals to keep it permanent.

[trainer81]

11/18/2015 at 8:21 am

It all depends on the girl and her behavior and how she acts. For permanent she could continue using the subliminal MP3’s and enforce habit forming so she can’t revert back.

Once a new habit is formed and enforced it’s hard to break it.

The following three steps,
1. Open Communication
2. Building Trust
3. Encouragement

And J66R good luck, I wish you the best!