let the adventure begin!

[cms]

10/14/2013 at 7:39 pm

I have looked at this site periodically over the past few years and have only just now subscribed to silver and gold levels. My wife and I both came from the bdsm lifestyle but through different channels and before we really knew each other.  She has had a number of health issues for the past few years and of late things have gone pretty bland. Sex is extremely sparse and her servicing me is nearly non-existent unless I significantly coerce. 

I finally decided to bite the bullet and give this a try. I am starting with 3 premade subliminals to get a feel for what to watch for in her behavior as far as changes are concerned. I have started with two that are admittedly for me and will be easy to gague effectiveness and one that is for both of us, but will be more difficult to measure.  I figure after I get some experience with these, I’ll try to tackle some more customized and perhaps interesting scripts. We are starting with wife blow-job, wife appropriate dress, and weight loss. 

I have scrapped together an old mp3 player whose lithium battery was near rupturing – replaced battery with transformer supplying appropriate voltage – and a set of battery powered speakers – also powered with a transformer. I intend to put this under the bed for now.  I settle her into bed in the evening and she watches tv for a while and then will continue to sleep over the top of the speakers.  All that is left for me to do at this point is to fabricate the data cable for the mp3 player -it’s one of those 3.5mm to usb things that is of course lost – and then load it up and set it to loop for infinity (or until I stop it or the power blinks).

I intend to begin the lessons tonight.  Maybe sooner – I may keep blow job running on my phone all evening when I get home. 

Wish me luck! 

[Qwerty]

10/14/2013 at 8:20 pm

Best of luck cms. Based on a couple of our journals remember this takes time to have effect and that it is not a constant progression but more of a two steps forward one step back sort of progress. If I can give you one piece of advice consistency and patience are the two main ingredients for success. That being said if you have any question or need advise ask away as this group has had all manner of experience.

Welcome on board cms and I look forward to reading about your progress.

[cms]

10/14/2013 at 8:31 pm

Thanks qwerty! Now the really interesting part will be in some of her reactions.  Over the past few years, I have built in a couple of triggers that cause her to enter into a very submissive and docile state. Though in this state, I initiate everything. Sometimes, there is enough left to whine about it until I step up the trigger a couple notches.  What I think I’m going to do is let her listen to it for a few days and then trigger her and see what happens as she listens to it. 

After a while, I’ll be conditioning her trigger to be more accessible to me whenever I want it so I don’t have to work quite as hard for it. Problem is that she knows the trigger and knows that I get whatever I want when she is triggered. In the coming months (pun not intended but accepted) I intend for her to learn the pleasures that come (there it is again) from pleasuring me.

[Fizbin]

10/14/2013 at 8:58 pm

Welcome to Stepford, CMS.

Unless it would seem odd to her for you not to use the triggers at all, I would suggest just letting the subliminals do their job for a while, as you subtly encourage the behaviors.

Now, will she be aware that you are doing this? In other words, if she gets a whim to clean the bedroom, will the goodies under the bed come as a shock to her?

[cms]

10/14/2013 at 9:09 pm

Thanks Fizbin. It shouldn’t be too tough not to use as it tends to only get used on occasion. The occasion that I want some and she is more wanting to sleep than anything else.  I usually end up just letting it be. 

She is unaware and in bloody unlikely to notice it as there is a ton of crap under there and she usually hurts herself if she tries. Add to that that we have had electronics down there before in the form of home made sleep machines and such.  I was considering placing the components in one of their housings – or some other box under there to discourage the cat from playing with the wires you much. 

[cms]

10/17/2013 at 9:33 pm

Well it’s only been a couple of days at this point.  As expected, I really don’t have much to report although we did have sex night before last at my initiation. It was actually pretty good overall. 

Now for the “fun” part.  We are going to be driving a long distance out of town for the weekend. Tonight I plan to rework one of our sleep machines (the biggest one) and install a lantern battery to the mp3 player and amp and then close it up so the extra internals aren’t visible. I’ll have it playing 24 hours a day with her in the room with it. 

Now the funny part. We will be sharing a room with another married couple.  So both ladies will be getting the subs. Mine will have them all day and night.  The other mainly at night.  Plus any other couples that stop by…  I doubt that anyone else will get enough exposure to really make a difference to them. But I don’t want a lapse for my wife.  And yes, the scripts currently in use are husband scripts, not custom to me. 

[Tap]

10/17/2013 at 10:45 pm

I think you should be seeing some results with that kind of exposure within 2 weeks. The key is to be patient and stick with your playlist even though you might see backsteps at times.

[cms]

10/17/2013 at 11:49 pm

The bedroom playlist has been very consistent though I may step up one of the scripts repetition wise.  The only deviation I make is that I tend to run the cs silent in my phone when I’m around her. I have also neglected to turn it off one might when I went to bed so it was playing from my bedside table while the others (including cs) played from under bed. 

[cms]

10/18/2013 at 11:09 am

Well.  Best laid plans… Our trip has been cancelled.  I wound up getting sick and cannot travel.  Ultimately, this will give me more time to get things settled and will allow me the opportunity for intensive exposure for her as well as the ability to observe for and subtle changes. 

[cms]

10/20/2013 at 4:07 am

Had a technological setback.  The player I had under the bed died sometime over the last few days. Today I improved things a bit. Now two old phones are serving as players using their built in speakers (the back speaker,  not the earpiece). One is set under the bed pointing up between our pillows.  The other is in the living room on top of a piece of furniture and is pointing at her chair.  I figure on a good day she will be surrounded by their identical messages around 22 hours and most days will be at least 18. Additionally, I can still supplement via my phone when we are away from the house. 

Next step will be to start putting things together for building customs. First though, I’d like to give these a chance to settle in and see if there is a response. 

So all in all, a minor setback led to a much improved situation. The good news is that when we do end up going out for an extended time it will be easier to transport the music.  All I have to do is have the phone plugged into alternative power.  Oh, And these are NOT smartphones so they last quite a while on their own batteries! 

[Tap]

10/21/2013 at 12:37 am

Interesting. I’ve found if you put a regular mp3 song on your players, you can play them as a type of control to see how they sound and the volume of them. If the song plays fine, then you know your files are playing fine.

[cms]

10/21/2013 at 1:33 am

@Tap1 said:
Interesting. I’ve found if you put a regular mp3 song on your players, you can play them as a type of control to see how they sound and the volume of them. If the song plays fine, then you know your files are playing fine.

Before I loaded the first one up, I did do a control test. The volume wasn’t too bad at all. I have found that with both phones if I listen really close and am within a foot or so, I can hear the very edge of the subliminal. I have both of them set to full volume. You have to be pretty close and focused on hearing it for a period of several seconds to really pick it up tho.  So I think that the subs should be getting thru just fine.  Now that I have the transmitters I’m good shape, it’s just up to her to tune the receiver in on the beautiful music! 

Oh.  And you better believe that my customs are going to be integrating things from a variety of things I’ve been picking up while perving the threads! 

[Tap]

10/21/2013 at 2:01 am

The beauty of the custom is that you can put any idea you want in her head. The possibilities are endless. You just have to come up with the right script and delivery that would help.

[cms]

10/21/2013 at 3:07 am

@Tap1 said:
The beauty of the custom is that you can put any idea you want in her head. The possibilities are endless. You just have to come up with the right script and delivery that would help. 

Yes.  This odd a skill that I certainly intend to hone well. But for now, as I think I said somewhere along the line, I will utilize the “stock” downloads to establish a baseline. Additionally, my thought is that these will help to start getting her accustomed to “hearing” her new inner voice. These will help to establish some groundwork.  The customs will be much more specific and targeted.  As soon as I prepare a nice secure location on an encrypted drive, I will begin work.  You see, my wife is reasonably tech savvy as are my children. Don’t need unnecessary questions. 

[cms]

10/22/2013 at 9:24 pm

Nothing to report – not that I really expected there to be.  But I do have a question to pose to those with much more experience than I possess. While I know that there is no specific timeframe for any one individual to show signs of adjustment, what would be a good general rule of thumb to use when making the decision to change things up and try different files? It’s only been a few days,  so I know I’m nowhere near it, but it’s always good to have a target time. 

[Fizbin]

10/22/2013 at 11:41 pm

No less than 30 days. Probably longer for the early efforts as her subconscious is not acclimated to accepting “thoughts” from that channel.

[FaustsBoon]

10/23/2013 at 2:01 pm

As Fiz says, and also accounting for normal amounts of back-slide, push-back, etc… I would honestly say to expect 30 – 90 days for a first script to show anything at all.  I know i’m an outlier in suggesting 90 days, but personally it took a LONG time for anything resembling momentum to kick in, and as you just read, even I still see random happenings which prove this is an ongoing process.

[Qwerty]

10/23/2013 at 2:11 pm

I would have to agree with Faust and Fizbin 30 days of use is require before you see and constant changes and if you want the changes to last after you stop using the subliminals I would suggest 90 days. That being said if the script has minor tweeks or changes from a previous script, I have seen that my wifes acceptance of the script is accelerated.

[cms]

10/23/2013 at 5:01 pm

Thanks guys!  I can see that it very well could take a couple months.  Sounds like sound advice. 

To Qwerty’s point – I can see that as well.  Even though the subconscious mind clearly works differently from the conscious, I draw this to mind. If you are forced to listen to something time and time again, you begin to mumble along with it and it begins to become less than background noise.  Now I get that the constant repetition is what makes this work, but I can also see where a person could become so accustomed to hearing it that they time it out. But, by mixing things up just a little while keeping the theme consistent, the subject doesn’t get the chance to completely tune it out.  Simply because the unexpected occurred.  Nice.  

I think I’ll let it run a full month as is and then alter it just a bit to eliminate monotony.  Then perhaps another tweak after three weeks and finally settle into a 2 to 3 week schedule. 

[cms]

05/12/2014 at 4:56 pm

OK. I’ve been away from this thread for quite some time now. This was due to several things. First, we went thru a pretty damned rough patch and I had a couple near mental breaks myself. Really more like emotional breaks. One in October and one in December. Yeah – 2 in 2 months. I came to the conclusion at that point that it was over and needed to end before I left behind whatever was left of my sanity. But I would not do anything until after holidays were past. Christmas for me is always difficult because of past problems coming out Christmas day with a previous spouse. I refuse to do that to anyone else. After the holidays I became very distant – in truth this started once I made the decision that change was eminent. By the middle of February she approached me on this, and told me that she didn’t want to get divorced again. She actually showed a little bit of the person I originally dated – there was a spark of her still in there. So I decided that it was the right thing to try to salvage what I could, but I am also rather sensitized to the old behaviors.

Anyway – back in October to December timeframe I pretty much wrote things off and stopped playing anything. I hadn’t seen anything anyway and one of the phones was needed for a kid.

The beginning of April I loaded up just the wife cock sucker silent from the silver downloads and have had it looping 24/7 under the bed so she is exposed to it every moment she is in the bedroom.

To this day – no apparent effect.

I am left at this point thinking that I, like so many others in the past, may have been burnt by my own impatience and shortsightedness. What I think I’m going to do it pull the cs sub off the phone and instead, play the converter in the bedroom 24/7 for at least a month. I think I may use this time to work on a high intensity custom to have it ready and intermingle it with the converter script after a month has passed with the converter only. Then in a few weeks phase out the converter.

Thoughts?

[cms]

05/12/2014 at 8:17 pm

I guess that I should note here that my girl really doesn’t have any issues with blow jobs, taking it in the mouth, or swallowing. The biggest complaint I have is her lack of interest in general and then only wanting to fuck on the rare occasion that she is interested at all. When I do get her down there, it’s pretty hum drum – no enthusiasm – no life in it – way less than spectacular.

Perhaps a custom version of his happiness? Perhaps some suggestions to learn to be the best cock sucker she can be? Suggestions to watch and read how to do it well?

[J66R]

05/13/2014 at 3:25 am

Yeah, I think in your situation, the near divorce, I would go back to the beginning and start with the basics. The Converter, his happiness, and others that have to do with plain old love, respect and trust.

Plus, if you want to try your hand at a custom, build one for yourself. Determine what things you think you should change, regardless of what you think she should change. Reciprocation is not always the best route. If she, even subconsciously, perceives change you make, she will respond, one way or another.

Several of us have done that and had at least some improvements on what we want from ourselves.

Back to her though. If those prove effective, even in a small way, then you have a foundation to build on, for other things. A lot of us have a problem with our wives to be willing actually perform. In some cases it’s a love and trust thing, in others it’s a skewed view of the position and purpose of sex, and in others it’s a control thing, but almost all of us seem to have SOME problem with what our wives will do or how far they will go. either that or used to have the problem. Performance of the acts doesn’t seem to be your wife’s problem, though. So subbing the “love & trust” stuff first might especially ring true for a woman who doesn’t seem to have any hang-ups about WHAT to do or how far to go, but has problems with expressiveness and engendering actual intimacy rather than mechanical performance.

[Fizbin]

05/13/2014 at 4:37 am

I agree here. The issue isn’t promoting any one type of action, it is attitude toward you and your relationship that needs building first. Thus, I am not sure that the converter is necessarily the best starting point, as all it does is prime her for listening.

Is there ANYTHING she is passionate about these days? Or is she just going through the motions in all aspects of her life? Perhaps there is a broader depression that might need something other than relationship pointers.

[gtbear]

05/13/2014 at 5:23 am

cms,

Just a thought about your phone under the bed; are you sure that,
a: the phone is playing the file?
and
b: that the file / phone can be heard ok?

Might be worth checking…

[cms]

05/14/2014 at 11:43 pm

Thanks guys.

Thinking on this a bit more, I have come to the conclusion that a good portion of the problem has stemmed from her lack of self worth which has bled over to me especially when she his her funks, which are frequent.

I did check the phone last night and it was indeed still playing just fine. I am not sure, however, that she has been “listening” as it played. So, for the sake of being thorough, I decided to go ahead and put the Amy converter playing on loop by itself for the next two or three weeks. After that I will either go with something to work on her self esteem or the “his happiness” sledge and try to work her up by ensuring my happiness. I figure that the couple weeks can be best spent by my observing and evaluating the best next step. I will be reading a lot of scripts soon.

Fizbin – I did “hear” you on the thoughts that the converter may not be helpful, but as I had not done that at all, it wouldn’t be a bad idea just to make sure.

Again. Thanks all for your thoughts and support.

[Tap]

05/15/2014 at 2:01 am

Actually, I do think you should test your phone. Play a normal song at the level you play your silent and put it under your bed. Lie down and listen to how well you can hear it. Under the bed provides a lot of obstacles for the noise to travel and maybe it’s not being heard clearly as a result. It might be better if you put it near her on a night stand or on the side of her bed.

[cms]

05/15/2014 at 2:12 am

Tap. I’ll check that out. But I should be a bit more clear on its positioning. The mattress is about 4 to 6 inches from the wall. The phone is positioned halfway across and in an 8×8 open top cardboard box with its speaker facing upward. The phone itself is probably about 3 to 4 inches from the wall. If I shine a light straight down and press my head against the wrought iron bars of the head of the bed, I can see the phone. Its sound would be coming up directly between and behind our pillows. At my next opportunity, I’ll test it though – just to be sure.

[gtbear]

05/15/2014 at 5:19 am

cms,

Trainer has a script for silver members that might be of value for you either as an alternative for the converter or to play along with it:
Under ‘Self Help Subliminal Scripts’ in the Silver Library have a look at “I am Happy”.

There is one in the same library on “Inner Peace” too.

[cms]

05/15/2014 at 9:03 am

Thanks bear. I thought I remembered song something of that order in there. I think I have an old copy of the scripts on my tablet that I can read thru. If not, I’ll have to wait till the scripts come back online to see what I want to do. But for now, I think I just want her to be exposed to the converter… at least a few days anyway. Then I may mix one of those in.

[cms]

05/18/2014 at 2:09 am

OK. I’ve been running the Amy Converter in the bedroom for nearly a week. I just got my laptop set up to play it in the living room as well, so she should be getting it during all sleeping hours and now during most waking hours. I need to get something set up in the garage to cover the balance (she is currently back to smoking ever since a death in the family). I plan on letting it run like this for another day and then blend in His Happiness on both machines (all 3 once I get something going in the garage). After a week or so, I’ll pull the converter offline and let it run as just the sledgehammer for a week or so and then perhaps think about mixing something else into it.

Over time, I figure I’ll have the two playing different scripts, but for now, I want to try to stay highly focused. At least until I start to see some minor changes. One step at a time for now.

One thing I should clarify – the thoughts of ending things between us mentioned earlier was never her. It was strictly me – she has had a number of problems over the past few years and I have spent the last year or so literally at my wit’s ends. “In sickness and health” has a rather harsh ring when you’ve never seen the health part. But alas, those are my issues and I’m working through them. Though, I believe some of the sickness may very well be psychosomatic in nature and we will certainly be working on those as we work through a number of scripts. I will absolutely be scouring the script sources to see if I can find a “canned” good match. The mind is able to do remarkable things for making the body feel better – it’s nearly as good at that as it is in making it feel horrible! We have a long road ahead. I’m thinking I’ll end up with some sort of wellness script running in the living room – perhaps even something to get her to start drinking water instead of that diet soda she’s so fond of!

Little steps. Gotta keep reminding myself of that. Can’t tackle everything at once.

[Fizbin]

05/18/2014 at 4:46 am

I know you are looking for consistency, but maybe you could focus the one in the garage on quitting smoking…

[cms]

05/18/2014 at 7:34 am

@Fizbin said:

I know you are looking for consistency, but maybe you could focus the one in the garage on quitting smoking…

I had considered that, and perhaps I will. She had quit for about 8 months before we watched her father die. Two close family members in that household smoked like chimneys and she started back up. It’s time to get her the patch again and get her back on the wagon. Problem is that a very good friend and drinking buddy of ours also smokes. It’s going to take some doing on that one. But come to think of it, maybe I should put it up in the garage – maybe get both the girls hearing it and quitting!

I don’t think it would be terribly distracting to have a different message in the garage. Though, I’m tempted to combine it with His Happiness just to keep that message flowing. Plus she knows that I want her to stop again, so perhaps His Happiness would help to drive the Stop Smoking home a bit more. I’d like for HH to play out there as well as in the house because sometimes she spends hours out there reading. Which brings to mind another place that I may need to cover – the back deck. In really nice weather, she spends time out there instead of the garage. But since they share a wall, maybe I can put up a weatherproof speaker outside linked to the garage. That way we can have music out there when we are spending time by the fire – yeah, that’s why the speaker is out here – yeah!

Hmmm – looks like I have a little work to do. I think I can possibly put one up under the overhang – it’ll be protected pretty well under there. Question: do you know if the output of the subs is monaural? If so, I can simply put one channel inside the garage and the other outside. Otherwise, I need to combine the outputs so that both speakers are monaural (which would be the better bet if I am pumping music through them anyway). Alternately, I could get a pair of stereo speakers to put under the eves and tie them to the existing speakers in the garage.

OK – clearly, I have some planning and tasks to work on around keeping the house and everyone’s cars running.

[Fizbin]

05/18/2014 at 10:02 am

I’m not sure about all of them. I actually think there is a mixture. His Happiness (at least the version that I have analyzed) is stereo, but the channels appear to both be complete enough to be effective.

[cms]

05/18/2014 at 1:47 pm

Good to know. But I’m just so fucking pissed off right now that I don’t even know if I care. Been a pretty rotten 10 hours or so and she was probably about 20 percent of it – though the most recent. Which the brush off I got does fall in line with here. I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot ofa farm and home store finishing a coffee working on just breathing.

Edit

Back on topic. It makes perfect sense to me that a sledge would be stereo. That way different voices can come from seemingly different directions. My assumption is that Amy would be dead center so as to come from her head, where other voices would be from one side or another being outside.

[cms]

05/19/2014 at 2:18 am

Quick note for my own documentation – Amy converter and His Happiness sledge playing in both bedroom and living room as of this afternoon. Bedroom volume set two steps below full.

Now – I feel that I should apologize for my commentary this morning. I was uncharacteristically highly emotional and in an exceptionally bad place. Truthfully, I’m still not in a good place, but my emotions are much more under control and I’m able to carry on conversations without snapping. The really bad thing is that my wife is probably only responsible for about 30 or so percent of my mood, but she represented a bit of it from last night and then the final straw from this morning.

I will endeavor to keep my remarks and posts primarily on topic in the future. Again, I am sorry I abused this venue with petty venting.

[Tap]

05/20/2014 at 1:22 am

The Amy converter is not useful if you are playing His Happiness. The point of the Amy converter is that she gets used to Amy’s voice. The sledgehammer has 7 voices mixed up.You will get better results with just repeating His Happiness by itself.

[cms]

05/20/2014 at 2:51 am

Tap – noted. Makes sense. I’ll remove ac.

Note for log. Amy converter removed as of tonight.

[keekeeros]

05/23/2014 at 7:42 pm

cms

I said this before but it might be worth saying again – I use wifi speakers from boise, play music during the day and silent at night through my laptop. I use soft jazz to hide the subs, I also have all files in the wma format – seems to work better = maybe it has something to do with hearing, Trainer has written very good files and I have copied some parts into my files – I try to keep them as short as possible – if you say ” I can” enough times = you will

[cms]

06/17/2014 at 8:45 pm

OK. Nearly a month has passed. No perceptible changes. It’s time for a technology overhaul. The tv is piped thru the stereo in our bedroom. The stereo is always on and silent moat of the time, tho the sound is turned up. I think I’m going to splice the feed from the phone into the audio input coming from the set top box. In this way, the gain will be seriously boosted and should always be “heard”. It will either be the only thing going or will be under whatever show she’s watching.

I’ll note in this log when I’ve completed this change.

[cms]

06/17/2014 at 10:56 pm

Bedroom mods complete.

[cms]

06/20/2014 at 4:07 am

OK – finally got a chance this evening to do a sound check on the setup I did the other day. It was HORRID!!!!! I played some music through the feed into the stereo. If I had it set up high, the music was horribly garbled. If I had it set low enough to not garble, I had to have the main volume well above its normal setting. So, I did a little digging and found that the other feed was powered and significantly absorbing the feed I had going into the system. So, I did a little reworking of the setup and was able to accomplish the dual feed into the stereo and have the music at a comfortable listening level while the stereo was set at its normal TV watching level. I then pulled the music back off and set it to loop His Happiness non-stop. As I type this, she has just gone downstairs and will begin to “hear” the chorus of voices beginning tonight.

So – Captain’s log: 19 June, 2014 – it begins anew – this time in high fidelity.

[cms]

06/22/2014 at 4:35 am

So. Since I’m fairly sure that the preceding months may have gone by with nothing being heard, I’m starting fresh. I put the converter back into the loop for now with the His Happiness. I’ll probably let it run like that for the week and then pull the converter back out and let HH run solo for a few weeks.

[cms]

06/27/2014 at 1:33 pm

OK. Night before last, I had the opportunity to set the player to only run His Happiness in a continuous loop. So. She spent a couple nights listening to the Amy converter and HH. And now she’s only getting HH since 6/25. I also know they are loud enough now as I could just hear the squeaking from the converter before I pulled it from the loop. And this is with the stereo set at the same volume is normally at for tv.

So.
Equipment setup – check
Subs selected – check
Subs playing – check
Subs “audible” – check
Girl in range of subs daily – check (at least 8 hours)

Now. We wait. Again.

[gtbear]

06/28/2014 at 7:44 am

CMS,

Now comes the part where you gotta be Mr. Patient. Give the sub at least 30 days to start showing some effects. Slow and steady and keep your eyes peeled for plus behavior from your gal. Complement / encourage the good behavior at every oppertunity to aid in cementing the good stuff. Changes will happen a little at a time, for me they have been individually small but collectively huge. Remember, easy does it… slow and steady… patience is paramount.

[hotaceazn]

06/28/2014 at 9:11 pm

I agree with bear. I have had the same subs playing for 3 months, and today I was actually able to see 100% results. Dont let the spikes you will see be a sign it has worked. Most likely they are just that – spikes which is NOT an indication of 100% success.

Good luck!

[cms]

06/29/2014 at 6:47 pm

Thanks guys – that was the plan! In fact, that’s why I keep putting every adjustment I make into the log here – so that I can look back and see just when I did what and not make changes too soon. I left it running under the bed for a few months before giving up on that one. I think I can handle 30 days just fine. We’re only a couple days into the HH by itself. I figure it will be the end of July or the beginning of August before I really look at making more changes.

[hotaceazn]

08/10/2014 at 2:15 pm

Just wanted to add good luck as well! Dont get discouraged if things dont go as fast as you would like!!

[cms]

08/11/2014 at 3:50 am

Thanks, hotaceazn.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated. I had the subs running through the stereo for a few weeks but it started causing trouble with the sound from the tv when she was trying to watch it, so I had to disconnect the phone from the inputs. From an output level, this was a major setback, but I left it running as is. I have yet to get alternate speakers hooked up to fill the room while she’s there. A bit of good news is that she’s considering having me move her computer back downstairs into our room. This will dramatically increase the amount of time she spends under the careful caress of the subs or *giving a nod to bear* nanites if you will.

There are a couple things that I haven’t shared here, but I will at this point. My wife has suffered with low self esteem her entire life. Additionally, she’s struggled with depression during her teens and her entire adult life. I think the only time she really found much peace was when she was active in bdsm – that’s actually how we first met – while I was happily married (turns out I was more so happily married than was my wife at the time, but that’s a whole other story I’ll not get into). A few years ago, we got married shortly after she had a bunch of medical issues start cropping up. We had pretty much stopped attending any get togethers by this point and were pretty much the only company either of us kept. These medical issues flung her into a deep depression which further exacerbated the issues. This led to even more problems, leading us to now with her being treated primarily for fibromyalsia and a severe anxiety disorder.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s continue the update on current states.

One thing of note is that more than once when she’s been drunk (a couple months ago), she’s told me that if I wanted to get a girlfriend, she’d understand. Further, a couple weeks ago, there was a significant incident of multiple counts of drunken stupidity from her and a (now) former friend of ours after which I had to get away from it and stayed at a friend’s house that night. The next day she was on the phone with her mom who asked where I was. When my wife didn’t really have a good answer for her, her mom asked if she thought I was having an affair. My wife affirmed that no, she was sure I wasn’t. However, when she was relaying this to me a day or so later, she followed it up with “but I was thinking ‘no, but I wouldn’t blame him if he was'”.

Years ago – when we started dating – she was poly. In fact, her other boyfriend / master at the time was and still is a very good friend of mine and was good with us starting a relationship. When we started to get serious, he actually stepped back because he knew that at that time (and in the foreseeable future), he’d be unable to provide her with what she needed as he too was married at the time and was in an open relationship with his wife. So, open/poly is certainly not out of our vocabulary. It’s a topic that I’ve actually been considering for a while now and have been thinking of bringing up. I’m thinking that a custom might just be in order for this one.