cal’s journal

[cal]

08/30/2014 at 2:22 am

I thought I’d start one. Tracking my progress may help.

About her:
She is naturally submissive, but has too many limits/hang-ups to let go and enjoy it. Even well into her 40’s, she struggles way too much with her self-esteem, which is part of it. It makes her want and need to be submissive, but not able to trust herself enough to do it.
She has Crohn’s disease, which makes her hang-ups even tougher to get over (for example, anal is *out* since crohn’s is an intestinal thing). Her Crohn’s isn’t incapacitating but has wrecked what was left of our sex life and her general energy & stamina isn’t great.

About me:
When we married, I knew about her hang ups and remember debating whether I could be happy without the BDSM part of the sex. I decided I could. Her inability to get lost in the sex really bothered me. I’ve been with enough women that I don’t think it’s me. I think she just has a hard time letting go. As a result, our sex life was about a B-.
But what she lacked in quality, she made up for in quantity. Wow…did she ever. And I figured… hey, sex isn’t everything. I loved her and figured I’d just deal with it.
I did. And I’ve taken care of her. I do the housework and work hard so that she could leave her job because of her fatigue. I’ve spent so many nights awake taking care of her that I’ve lost count. When she was in the hospital, I was the only family member of the floor who stayed there until midnight.
But, I’m getting older. And I want to restore some of the passion and kiny-ness while everything still works.

Goals:
1. Open her up sexually. I want her to let go a bit and try new things — even if she doesn’t like them, I don’t want her to dismiss them without trying.

2. Find erotic alternatives. Since she has Crohn’s, traditional sex may not be an option all the time. That’s ok, but I want to replace it with erotic things — teasing, bondage, submissive experiences, etc. If she isn’t feeling up to vaginal, then maybe oral. If not oral, then maybe hand-jobs. If not that, then maybe she’ll just wear a collar and sexy clothing around the house to keep the fire on a low burn.

3. non-sexual submission. She is a natural sub, but she doesn’t always submit. I want to take control of her in ways that will help her. I want to set rules — like if she doesn’t exercise X times/week, she gets punished. I want to remove the stress of making decisions, because she seems to struggle with them so much, and in the end, demand that she do what’s best for her anyway.

4. bondage — partly because I like it. But also because she deals with a lot of ADHD-like stress. She sits there feeling weird because she thinks of 20 things she should be doing (she is obsessed by the word *should* by the way — she uses it way too much… that’s her mom’s fault.) If she spends an hour bound, then there’s nothing she *can* do. I think that will be relaxing to her. And I’d love it if it were and she actually learned to want it.

–>So… a few weeks ago, I started her on “I like sex”. That had some impact, but she wasn’t on it for long. I was pleased.

–>Last week, it was “Wife Cock Sucker”. It was up for about a week, but I didn’t really see any results. I didn’t expect any.

–>This week, she is out of town visiting her sister, which is partly why I didn’t expect any results last week. She was too busy and distracted to even be interested in sex.

–> Tomorrow, I plan to start her on 3: Converter, Wife Cock Sucker, and My Husband, My Master.
I’ll leave those up for about a month and see how it goes.

Meanwhile, we’ve been chatting about our sex life — she knows it isn’t good, and blames herself. Unfortunately, because of her disease, I can’t always gauge how she is feeling. So I suggested that she take some initiative to come up with some erotic things she felt like she could do when she wasn’t up to sex, and we could choose one when appropriate. I’m sure she won’t do it. I’ve never gotten her to really take any initiative on this kind of thing.

Sometime this weekend, I’ll revisit that conversation and suggest we plan one day a month where I get to be in charge erotically. On that day, I can ask for anything I want — from kinky sex, to a walk along the water in the moonlight. She’ll have lots of time to prepare and she’ll have an “out” if she is not up to it, but the out will come with a contingency — like we would reschedule for the next week, so she could rest up and maybe she’d have to do something nice for me in the meantime.

Over time, we’ll talk about this “one day/month” thing and I’ll move it from romance/comfortable things to the occasional limits pusher. My hope is that the “one day/month” because “all month”. And I’ll work at spreading it to other areas of our life — like punishment when she doesn’t do something she said she would or rewards when she does.
My birthday is coming up, so I’ll use that as a opportunity as well.
I’ll keep you all posted, partly because I want to track things.

Thanks for listening.
–cal

[Tap]

08/30/2014 at 7:36 pm

I think if you can make your own subliminals to customize it for yourself, that would be your best opportunity for success. With trainer’s files, I’d use Submissive thoughts wife as a good basis for her. This will get her to be submissive to you. His happiness sledgehammer is also good to get her to want to please you.

Once you have a good foundation down, subliminals for sex and oral should work better. As you said, the sex issue may be more difficult because you have physical limitations to deal with due to her disease.

[cal]

09/01/2014 at 12:58 am

Thanks Tap.
I am planning on switching to customs after the first few weeks. Part of it is that I need some time to pull them together. So, in the meantime, I thought this mix wouldn’t hurt.

Update on that is that I have them up and playing in 2 rooms where she spends most of her time.

Just to re-iterate, we started
— Converter,
— Wife Cock Sucker, and
— My Husband, My Master.

on 30th of August.
Sometime in late September/early October, I expect I’ll take Trap’s advice and start switching them for custom ones. I saw one script out here about limits removal that I liked.
Worst case, it’s a month of nothing. Best case I get some oral sex and get her thinking about me in a stronger role.

[hotaceazn]

09/01/2014 at 11:22 pm

I might recommend start writing the customs now, even though you may not use them for a bit, and let some of the more experienced hands look it over. Believe me when I tell you without their assistance, reaching your goals will take much longer! I dont know how many mistakes I could have avoided if I had asked first.

[cal]

09/03/2014 at 12:07 am

Thanks hotaceazn, I’ll definitely do that. I’ll start writing the scripts this weekend, I think.

UPDATE:

>>Re: Sometime this weekend, I’ll revisit that conversation and suggest we plan one day a month where I get to be in charge erotically. On that day, I can ask for anything I want — from kinky sex, to a walk along the water in the moonlight. <<

I did that. She was/is ok with it. She thought about it then came back and said “I’ll be able to veto anything, if I don’t like it right?”. I said “no”, but in a semi-joking way. Then told her that “no animals would be harmed in the making of our adventure.” I also said it wouldn’t involve sheep. That’s an old running joke: “Honey, it won’t *work* unless go you baaaaaaa and wear wool!” But I told her I may make her wear a sheep costume.

She told me later that she was ok without veto. Then she asked me which day. Without hesitation, I said “Sept. 27th”. I didn’t give room for negotiation. She said ok.

I’ll need to think about what to do that day. I’m thinking it will involve blow jobs to re-enforce her “Cock Sucker” subliminal . And I want to keep it something I’ll get off on, but she won’t hate. But we’ll see how the details work out.

Will update later
–cal

[cal]

09/09/2014 at 6:49 pm

We had a little bit of a schedule issue with September 27th, so I told her I wanted to move our “erotic night” to last weekend (September 6th), when I would be in charge sexually.
I didn’t have much time to prepare, but when the time came I told her to tell me before she got into the shower. She generally showers late afternoon. She complied. I told her to be naked, which she was. I put a towel on the floor and told her to get on her knees, which she did without hesitation. Then I tied a necktie on her eyes like a blindfold, which she accepted wordlessly.

I then pushed my cock into her face. She held it and started sucking. I told her she could lean back on her hams if that was more comfortable, which she did after being told. Then I controlled the tempo, thrusting my hips to get the most out of the moment.
When I got ready to cum, I pulled out of her mouth. She seemed to instantly know what I wanted, and pointed my cock at her chest and neck. I gave her an extended facial.

When done, she cleaned me up and went into the shower.
I had planned on a second blow job later, with the goal to be a little more reciprocal — hoping to get her to connect obedience with pleasure. BUT I started to get a little sick with the flu. While it wasn’t bad, I ended up with a fever all the next day, which shot my interests. However, during that day, she left me a note while I was sleeping asking if October 18th would be acceptable for another “erotic day”. I told her that would be good.

She is still on the same 3 subs:
— Converter,
— Wife Cock Sucker, and
— My Husband, My Master.

As per the suggestions here, I want to do a couple customs as soon as I have time — something with bondage, I think, and something to reduce her limits and inhibitions. Whenever I get those done, I’ll start to swap them out, but it will likely be a couple weeks.

I’ll try to make the 18th fun for her, more Dom for me, but maybe a bit more “vanilla” too. I was thinking about light bondage for her combined with giving her oral sex while she is tied. She loves to get oral, and I like to give it. So if it’s really, really good, it may ease the transition to bondage. So far, I’m pleased, though.

Any suggestions?

–cal

[Tap]

09/13/2014 at 9:57 pm

It appears like she is already very submissive to you. You shouldn’t have problems training her with whatever you use I believe.

[cal]

09/14/2014 at 5:11 pm

thanks Trap.
I’ve also noticed her deference in small things. This weekend, I simply told her that I had plans for her on Sunday for a while (the plans aren’t erotic.. we’re going to a small festival to benefit Children’s Hospital) , and she accepted without issue or even asking what it is. Her only question was “will I enjoy it?” I told her I didn’t know. Then she said something like “you know me, I’m sure I will.”

She’s been doing that lately — deferring to my judgement in small things. Sometimes, it’s the really small things. For example, we’re at the supermarket, and the bagger asked whether she wanted the soda in a bag. She looked at me and repeated the question. I said “no” and she passed that to the bagger — little things.

She struggles with decision-making most of the time. It’s the disease and her mother’s upbringing. I really think she’ll be happier with no option for decisions.

I still haven’t given up on making customs. I just haven’t had time to get it done. I’ll post when I do.

–cal

[trainer81]

09/15/2014 at 3:28 pm

The reason she is struggling yet is because she needs to know that she can trust you deep down. Making decisions for another is a big job. Just don’t tell her you can trust me, show her

All the best to you and your wife,

Trainer81

[cal]

09/29/2014 at 1:04 am

Update just some little things.
I got out of the shower a week after the experience of 6 September. I was standing there naked while she was dressed in jeans and a bra. I pointed to my dick and said something like “come on”. She bent at the waist and gave me a really nice blow job. I thought it had to be uncomfortable for her, so I stopped her before I orgasmed, but it was quite nice.
I’ve noticed more of her desire to have me make decisions. We’ve been booking a vacation in late October, and she has been entirely deferential to my desires. I have consulted her, but it’s been my choice. When she does have a task — like getting the rental car — she makes sure I know what she is doing and clearly wants me to make the final decisions.

On the subliminal front — I still haven’t had time to come up with any custom files. If any of you folks are inspired, I’d really love on that encourages her to love and crave bondage. I’d like her to see bondage as something that is a stress-relief, since it puts her in a position where she can’t do anything, and therefore isn’t expected to do anything or able to feel guilty about doing the wrong thing. And I’d also love to have her arousal connected to bondage and see it as a surrender of control to me, and see that as erotic.

Until then, I’ve changed the mix slightly. Now it’s:
— Converter,
— My Husband, My Master.
–I love sex toys

I dropped the blow job one because she seems to accept giving blow jobs well enough. And I added the sex toys one because it is something I’ve been really interested in and she has been a bit resistant to.

We have another “erotic day” planned for the 18th. I am thinking of introducing light bondage, but I’m not sure. Part of it may depend on scheduling. We’ll see.
–cal

[seekenq]

09/30/2014 at 1:29 pm

Cal:

Sounds like slow but steady progress.
After this many weeks I believe you can drop the converter – it’s job is done.
Higher repetitions of the other scripts will make them more effective.

[cal]

10/04/2014 at 3:24 pm

Good thought seekenq. I’ll do that shortly.
I haven’t seen any bondage subliminals. Are there any available without doing a custom?
–cal

[seekenq]

10/04/2014 at 7:34 pm

Cal:

Not sure if there are any standard Bondage themed ones.
You might need to do a custom for that.

[cal]

11/12/2014 at 2:46 am

Hi gang.
It’s been about a month since my last post, so here’s an update.
Went on vacation for a week on the beach (I really, really want to go back by the way) so we missed a week of subliminals. Other than that, she’s been on them all day long in the 2 rooms she spends most of her time in.
She is still on
— My Husband, My Master.
–I love sex toys
Per seekenq’s advice, I’ve dropped the converter.

Non-sexually
She is pretty willing and expecting for me to take charge in all things, really. I make most/all the decisions — especially when we are together. I don’t specifically choose her wardrobe, but I’m sure I could and she’d even like it. I decide where we go out, when we do and what we do when we stay in. Frankly, this trend has been going on even before the subs, and is probably also connected to her health issues. She struggles with fatigue and finds it easier for me to make decisions. And, as mentioned, she’s always been a bit of a closet sub. She’d be blissfully happy, I think, if she let go and subbed all the way.

Sexually.
We’ve made it a pattern to pick one day each month that is “mine” erotically. The day in September is mentioned above. In October, I got work-slammed (like 80 hour weeks) and didn’t have time to plan anything. I had a couple ideas, but nothing big.
On “the day” (Saturday) I asked her to reschedule, since I had to work late the night before and not much happened. The next day, she wanted to go out to watch football — she’s a Steeler’s girl — and so I picked a local sports bar known for the skimpy outfits the waitresses wear (The “Tilted Kilt” if you want to look it up). They had the Steelers game up (I checked before going). And it was a way to push her expectations a bit — to get her thinking of my erotic desires, etc.
We had a great time. She loved it (hey, I have to admit, the food is great!) and she actually spent more time flirting with the waitress than I did.
I was content with that small show of masculine leadership when we got home. I had considered introducing her to some light bondage, but I actually had to go back to work later and I didn’t want to do it half-assed.
She ended up sort of coming on to me. I was a bit surprised. We were in the bedroom and she basically said “you wanna”?
I kissed her hard and gropped her. I told her to get undressed, which she did and so did I. I picked her up and threw her onto the bed. Then I went down on her. I like doing that. And (humbly) I’m very good at it. When she was close, I grabbed her wrists to hold them down while I licked her clit. She had either 4 orgasms right after each other, or 1 really long one. I was hoping that I could connect the idea of being restrained and basically passive with the sexual pleasure she got.
Then I climbed on top of her and entered her. I took her hands in mine, like we were holding hands. But I pulled her hands above her head and held them there while I drove into her.
After she orgasms like that, she keeps having “aftershocks” that are made more intense while I’m stimulating her. So she was constantly spasming and moaning. Throughout, I held her hands solid, just like they were tied there.
I have to confess that it didn’t take me long to cum — it’s been a while. After I held her close and kissed her gently. She wanted to go to the restroom to clean up a bit. I was convinced that when she did, she’d come back and want to snuggle next to me and be very romantic. But she didn’t. She just put her clothes on and kissed me and left. Actually, I loved that. I love the fact that we had virtually no foreplay. And I’d love to get her comfortable with the idea that sex can be amazingly pleasurable for her, but whether or not it is is totally up to me. And that it’s kind of a privilege — that she has no expectation of anything I need to do after. I’d love to summon her for sex and have her comply to whatever I want, then be “dismissed” to go back to what she was doing. And if I choose to keep her there, that’s my choice, not hers.

Anyway, that’s the latest. I’m planning on keeping her on the same subs until December. Maybe by then I can get some time to do a custom. We’ll see.

–cal

[Tap]

11/19/2014 at 5:13 am

It looks like you are progressing well.

[cal]

11/23/2014 at 3:01 am

Hi Tap.
It’s going ok. She is starting to get a little uncomfortable with my sexual desires — not that we’ve done anything really, but we chatted about a few things, and she’s getting nervous. And she seems pretty un-interested in toys, even though I’ve got her on the “I love Sex Toy” subliminal. I’d like to see more movement there.

–cal

[cal]

12/24/2014 at 8:13 pm

Latest update on Christmas Eve
First of all Merry Christmas.

Now the updates:
files: My Husband/my Master and I love sex toys

The My Husband/My Master is going ok. She seems really hesitant to make a decision without my involvement. This evening, she even asked that I approve her clothing and pick out her ear rings. She looked good, and I made sure to tell her that.

Sexually, though, she’s pretty much shut down. Naturally, the holidays are part of that. But she’s also uncomfortable about getting too kinky, I think. If I told her that I wanted total power exchange in everything except sex or erotic things, I think she’d be ok with it. If I said I wanted it in nothing except erotic things, I think she’d balk.

I was thinking about changing her to either “I am a sex slave” or “I am a slut” to ramp up her sexual desires or at least connect her sexual activity to her submission. What do y’all think?

–cal

[seekenq]

12/25/2014 at 6:24 am

Have you tried a run of “I love sex” or an arousal script ?
I found ILS to be really effective as a base.
Once she is enjoying sex regularly it may be easier to move her towards the kinky side.

[cal]

12/27/2014 at 12:26 pm

Thanks, seejenq, i haven’t tried that one. I tried Wife, Cock Sucker.

I don’t know. Part of me thinks that increasing her sexual appetite would be awesome. The other part of me wants to completely remove her connection between the idea of being a sexual servant and her getting sexual pleasure. I think it would be hot if she got aroused getting me off, but if she had no expectation of sexual pleasure from it and was simply focused on mine. I don’t necessarily want to deny her sexual satisfaction, I just want to make her disconnect the idea of obedience from expecting it.

Her sex drive is so low right now and so inconsistent that I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to try to raise it or get her used to pleasuring me without it. I’d love to get her into other things and other motivations. For example, I’d love for her to want to be tied up because it de-stresses her and takes away any other responsibility. I think she could actually use that. And I’d love to get her used to focusing on my sexual needs as a way of unwinding. Or taking — even craving — punishment from me because it takes the place of her beating herself up emotionally when she feels like she fails.
I have known a couple true subimssives that live this way, and I think my wife would thrive like that.

Do you think I’m aiming too high?

Thoughts?
–cal

[cal]

01/02/2015 at 9:23 am

Happy 2015!
Just a couple quick updates.

The Sunday after Christmas, my wife indicated she wanted some “intimate time”. This was the first time since October that she’s shown any interest at all. I think it had to do more with the emotional reality of the holidays and the fact that I was home so much more often than normal. I think she felt like she was “supposed to” put out.
I decided I wanted to make it really good for her and encourage her. Because of her concerns about being too kinky, I decided to keep it pretty vanilla. I ended up giving her some really intense orgasms by licking her clit and fingering her G-spot before I went inside of her to take my own. When I did, I was perfectly vanilla, but also pretty dominant. I controlled the pace, position, duration — I was in charge the whole time, even when I licked her pussy.

It was good. But afterwards I noticed how physically drained she was. We had planned to do some light shopping and get something to eat while we were out. But I ended up scaling that back to a small bit of shopping and carry out so I could get her home to rest.

It re-enforced the issue I have with her health. The meds she is on sap her stamina and cause her to be fatigued a lot. It’s not terrible. And it’s not like she is suffering from it, really. But it does complicate things. And it is also why I am so interested in de-sexing sex for her and making it more about giving me pleasure. She can give me a BJ with minimal effort. Or I can tie her up for an evening and get some satisfaction without her having to do much.

So, after thinking about it, I put her back on 3 subliminal files for a while. I’m not sure if I’ll keep them but I figured it wouldn’t hurt for a month or so. They are:
–my Husband, my Master
— wife, cock sucker
and
— I like sex toys

she’s been on each of these in different combinations since August , so it should be nothing new for her.
I’m also thinking about putting her on the “Sex Slave” one in a month or so, and removing one of the others.
Meanwhile, I will continue to work on non-subliminal support, training and encouragement. I’ll help her with her health issues and other things and try to stretch our sex-life as well.

Here’s to a good 2015.
*cheers*
–cal

[cal]

01/24/2015 at 9:07 am

Monthly-ish update:
Her general submissiveness is decent. She asks my opinion on almost everything — really, to a fault — and typically defers to my judgment . She looks to me to make the decisions and doesn’t have much of a desire to make them herself.

Sexually, she’s about the same. She’s comfortable with our “monthly sexual day” and she seems to accept that this is primarily for my benefit, not hers. Sexually, she has less appetite than she used to, but realizes I still have a strong sex drive. So she’s willing to accommodate my desires at least once a month. Hopefully, once she gets used to that, I’ll push her to accommodating my desires more often, then, eventually, whenever I like.

Sexually, her interest and willingness to experiment with different things is still lacking. I’d like to do more bondage and submissive sex, but she’s not quite ready for that. She has been dealing with yeast infections (I mentioned she has some health issues; this is occasionally one of the side effects of the meds she is on). So our sex life has become her giving me blow jobs. I’m ok with that
And, so far, she seems to be too. She actually got quite aroused and wet by giving me my last one, but got no direct sexual pleasure from it, because of her yeast infection. I’d love this to be the norm — that she is willing and excited to give me pleasure but expects none in return. And if I choose to give her pleasure, it would be my choice and something special. I often would reciprocate, of course, since I enjoy giving her pleasure and want her to enjoy it to. But I’d love for her not to expect it and still be willing to pleasure me without it.

File-wise, I’ve kept her on
–my Husband, my Master
— wife, cock sucker
and
— I like sex toys

So far, I haven’t seen any response to the sex toy one and I’m disappointed with this. But occasionally, I call her my sex toy, since that is mentioned in the file.
I have downloaded “I am a slut” from the slave-series and maybe will move that one in next month.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep you posted.
–cal

[trainer81]

01/24/2015 at 2:27 pm

How about doing a custom subliminal that will help her think and feel healthy. Something that will push more of a positive outlook….

[LordIceWing]

01/24/2015 at 5:38 pm

Yeah, if you haven’t looked at it, I’ve got an Embracing Life script on here you might want to look at…

Also, I have to ask, have you guys looked at any diet changes regarding Crohn’s?

[trainer81]

01/25/2015 at 3:12 pm

Embracing Life script

Embracing Life script, sounds interesting. Do you recall which topic you posted it in ?

[LordIceWing]

01/25/2015 at 5:28 pm

https://dreamgirlsgt.com/forum/create-your-own-mp3-subliminal-messages/accepting-and-embracing-your-life/

It’s a draft version… As soon as I get my Mental Conditioning script ready, I’ll be going back to this one..

Also, Trainer81, I’d really like to hear more of your thoughts on my Mental Conditioning script.

[cal]

01/25/2015 at 5:40 pm

Thanks, LordIceWing
I’ll check out the script.
We have made some diet changes. And generally, she is doing well. It’s just the fatigue and the vaginal infections that are the issue. She hasn’t been to the hospital in 3 years, though, so it’s great.
It’s amazing how it changes your life, though — how we have had to adapt.
Anyway, thanks for the script, I’ll check it out
–cal

[cal]

03/01/2015 at 5:17 pm

Well, it’s March.
There are really no changes. She has started “investigating” the concept of light BDSM — mostly due to 50 Shades and a couple email correspondences — and it still freaks her out.

Her sex drive is mostly nil. We’ve talked about that a couple times. I pointed out that I was expecting 1 day/month that would be “my day” and I could get my desires, needs and fantasies fulfilled.

Then I had oral surgery to remove a tooth that finally shattered from some bad dental work years ago. And, honestly, during the Winter, everything gets darker, colder and more work. The hour commute for me turns into 1 1/2. Then the snow needs to be shoveled. Then… well, you get the idea.

She is feeling ok, but just 0 drive. I expect this continue, which is partly why I wanted to shift our sex life from a “joint pleasure” thing to one more focused on her pleasing her master, regardless of whether she gets direct sexual release.

So, we haven’t even been doing the 1 day/month for now. I’ll plan on restoring that in March. Also, I generally plan a date or a getaway weekend around 1 day/month– really for her. I’ll start doing that again too.
Meanwhile, she’s on
–my Husband, my Master
— wife, cock sucker
and
— I like sex toys

The Husband/Master one is going ok, I suppose. But I’m not seeing any changes in the cock sucker or sex toy side. We’ll see.
Take care,
–cal

[Tap]

03/04/2015 at 9:18 pm

I think you should try to make customs with affirmations geared specifically to your wife. Also, I think you should focus on one subliminal at a time at this point. You don’t seem to be getting that good of results with a playlist of 3. There may be too many ideas thrown at her and her subconscious is rejecting most of it. Focusing on one will allow enough repetitions for it to sink in.

[cal]

03/07/2015 at 11:28 am

Thanks Tap,
I think you’re right. I put her on “I like sex toys” and removed the others, for now.
I’ll work on my own custom, but my schedule is flakey, so it will take me a little while.
I’ll keep y’all posted.
-cal

[cal]

04/11/2015 at 8:01 pm

well, the last month hasn’t seen anything new except she’s having another vaginal infection. It’s minor and she’s on a cream for it. Because of her health issues, she gets them often, which is one of the reasons I’d like to see her trained to give sexual pleasure, even when she isn’t into it, with the understanding that I do non-sexual things that she likes, even though I may not be into them. It would be great to see her in the sex slave role for that.

Anyway, a month of “I like sex toys” did nothing. I switched back to “wife/cocksucker” since that one seemed to have an effect. Also, I am working on a custom one. We will see how that goes.

–cal

[cal]

05/17/2015 at 5:50 pm

SO…. another month of basically nothing. She is showing no real interest in sex or sucking or pleasing me erotically. She’s reasonably submissive as long as it isn’t about sex. Then the switch gets turned off.
We went on vacation a week ago and had a lot of time in the car to talk about it. Everything I discussed — even on a hypothetical basis — she just “wasn’t comfortable with”. And I’m not talking about anything off the map either, just simple things really.

We discussed what we should do, since our sex life is basically 0 at this point. And she recommended that I plan a monthly “date night” where I plan dinner and some activity and romance her. I get that, and I’ve been doing it regularly until February, when I’d had oral surgery. But it never ends up with any kind of sexual activity. After a lot of planning and money and attention, she’s too tired when we get done.

In addition, she’s picked up a little OCD, so she brought up how important it would be for both of us so just have taken showers. I’d be ok with that, but it makes spontaneous activity kind of impossible. And, again, after the scary hot, long showers she takes (seriously, you can hear our water heater cry), she’s “too tired”.

I just don’t think she’s responding.
–cal

[Fizbin]

05/18/2015 at 9:08 pm

I almost think she is responding, but in an adverse way. Subs work best when they are gently steering and course correcting, and worse when they are trying to push an idea that is the opposite of what the subject actively believes and/or wants.

So, if she truly hates sex (for whatever reason), finds the taste of semen disgusting, and is horrified by BDSM activities, having something say she loves, enjoys, and craves them is going to at least be rejected, if not actively fought.

I suggest just dropping the subs for a while in order to give her subconscious a break. Then ease back in with a maintenance file for things she has already accepted, so that she can once more come to trust, rather than reject, her inner voice. Use this as a chance to finish up that custom you mentioned working on. Post it here so we can give some feedback.

Phrase the next phase affirmations not as “end state”, but rather transitional and/or indisputable like:
* I can feel my sex drive returning.
* Some of Cal’s sex ideas sound interesting.
* Sex with Cal is important for our relationship.

[Tap]

05/19/2015 at 5:40 pm

Well, you’re playing 3 subliminals. I’d suggest switching to 1 and just playing that over and over. It’s possible as Fiz said, her brain is being bombarded by so many ideas she’s rejecting all of it. Concentrating on one theme for awhile may help.

My suggestion would be a strictly sex based subliminal because of her adverse reaction to it. It would be great if you could start making your own customs to reword it how you want.