adrz’s gold journal

[trainer81]

02/24/2014 at 4:42 pm

So I’m moving my journal to gold also, for similar reasons as others. And this is something of a “reset” because I made some changes to what I was doing, so it’s not really a continuation of my old journal, although a comparison between the two can be helpful…

I think my biggest mistake has been my own behavior. I absolutely think these subliminals work regardless, but they work much better when you are being the man you need to be. It’s much much easier when her conscious and subconscious are in agreement.

I have, quite literally, completely changed myself as a man in the past three months. Some books that I read to help me get in the right direction were “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover and “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch. One first step was to stop the “covert contracts” for sex. This is Glover’s idea that “nice guys” will do X for their woman with the unstated expectation that the woman will repay with sex. As some of you probably know from experience, the end result of this is usually either no sex or unsatisfying sex.

I’m a stay at home dad and I remember thinking to myself, literally, “If I clean the house today, maybe we’ll have sex tonight.” So lame… And I would do this with any aspect of my “job” as a stay at home parent. To be fair, this is reinforced by women themselves when they say things like “the best foreplay is a man doing laundry.”

Another issue with “nice guys” is they never express their needs or desires. This is why the above contract for sex is covert – they are too ashamed to ask. This isn’t just with sex, by the way. For instance, her career has taken off while mine has fizzled, and I allowed my own needs to be superseded by hers, so now I’m home with the kids.

We had a big talk Thanksgiving of last year and I basically opened up to her in a way that I never had before. I forget where I read it, but someone said, “Emotions are like crack for women.” I never really got close to her emotionally – she’s always asking me what I’m thinking and I pretty much blow her off.

The irony in this is that I want her to be completely open to me – physically, mentally, spiritually. In some sense, submissiveness means complete openness, complete trust, complete surrender. Yet here I was, blocking myself from her and expecting her to open completely. LOL.

So the custom subliminal that I’ve been running for almost three months now is much more general than most of the ones I’ve seen. I repeat each line three times, using first, second, and third person.
For example:
A wife is happiest when she is serving her husband.
I am happiest when I am serving my husband.
You are happiest when you are serving your husband.

I also use the echo effect and two-second pause between lines. There is a great deal about her being open to me, surrendering to me, being obedient to me. I also “borrowed” Fizbin’s opening lines about “inner voice” and “always feeling this way” (Thanks Fiz!)

Anyway, as you can see, such generalizations are difficult to quantify and like the rest of you, I’ve wanted concrete evidence, which is why using WCS in the beginning was so great. But now that I accept the evidence, I’ve decided to pull back and try to affect her overall mindset.

So basically, three things went into effect at once. I stopped being a beta male nice guy, and started acting more alpha. If a stay at home dad with a high-powered executive wife can do it, anyone can. I started opening up to her about “feelings” and my needs/wants/desires. And I started playing this new custom subliminal.

The results? I think the combination of these three things has been phenomenal. First, I made it a point to be far more responsible than I’ve been in the past. My tendency to become irresponsible really drove a wedge between us at times, causing me to lose her trust and respect. Now I’m doing what needs to be done because I’m a husband and father and need to take care of my family. I don’t do it in the traditional sense, but that doesn’t matter. And I don’t do it with the idea that I’ll get paid with sex in return. In fact, I took sex completely off the table for a couple weeks. She was so stressed at work that I knew trying to have sex with her would just result in disappointment. However, I was able to get her to open herself to me without sex. She’s always been fairly comfortable being naked around me, but on many nights, she’d put on frumpy-looking pajamas, which is the typical female signal that there will be no sex tonight, lol…

While we weren’t having sex, our affection shot through the roof. Every night we’d go to bed naked, wrapped in each other’s arms – three months later, we’re still doing this. She was much more willing to touch me nightly, knowing that touching me wouldn’t automatically lead to me pushing for sex.

The first time we had sex after these changes was great. We were sexting back and forth and I picked out some lingerie for her to wear. She was excited about dressing up for me early in the day, but as we were putting the kids to bed and I mentioned the outfit, she sounded like she was backing out. Another rule I set for myself was no more bad sex. We were going to have sex the way I wanted to, or we weren’t going to have it. I ignored her texts that suggested she wasn’t going to wear the outfit, and kept talking about how sexy she looked in it and how excited I was to see her in it. I got the kids to bed and nervously went to the bedroom, wondering what to do if she didn’t have it on, but she did.

I’ve made it clear to her that I want to be the one leading in the bedroom and that she must follow. For the most part, she has followed, but a couple times she hasn’t and I’ve pretty much stopped the action when she has. Like, literally stopped having sex in the middle. There will be no rewarding bad behavior. When this has happened, she has apologized for not following like a good wife and she has promised to improve.

The past two weekends were amazing. We got a hotel room for Valentine’s Day. As we drove to the hotel, I suggested that she could be in charge when we got there at check in, and I’d be in charge after dinner. She hadn’t had that opportunity in months and she lit up at the possibility. She promised she would do well and omg, talk about the best bj ever…

Last weekend, I got her super relaxed and it seemed like she almost went into trance while we were having sex. I was going super slow, talking to her about relaxing and opening to me. When she started to trance out, I made her say things to me: “Tell me you surrender to me.” “Tell me you are a vessel for my pleasure.” And so on… She repeated each one, smiling up at me as she did.

Right now, I’m considering changing the subliminal slightly. Maybe replacing the lines on openness with lines on submission or maybe even equating them with each other. I also want to eventually change wife and husband to slave and master. But I think that’s further down the road.

[trainer81]

02/24/2014 at 4:45 pm

I forgot one other fun rule I’ve put in place – she has to ask permission to touch or suck my cock. She actually forgot on Saturday for the first time in a while and she kind of pouted when I reminded her. But a few minutes later, she asked if she could touch me. The best part is that when I say yes, she always thanks me.

[J66R]

02/24/2014 at 9:42 pm

Hmmm, interesting.

I wonder is that “asking permission” to suck your cock part of you sub or one of your openly stated “rules”.
If part of a sub I’m interested in the wording of those lines.

As some of my posts read, my wife would rarely ever suck at all. On average maybe once a year maybe over 20+ years, and that’s counting the “just married” cooperative phase. As a proper “nice guy” I even went the negotiating route to promise only to ask on special days like Christmas, Valentine’s Day or Birthdays. She wouldn’t have it, so I almost gave up. Now, after a year of subs she will make the offer, grudgingly, when she is not “safe”. But she won’t “ask” to. It’s more of a, “Harumpf, what are we doing?” But at least there is absolutely no question about cumming in her mouth; that’s a given. I’ve gotten her close to deep throating and swallowing a few time I think. So those are my next steps. But, it would be a crazy turn-on to have her ask permission to suck me off. And to thank me for it? Makes me shiver to think of it.

[Fizbin]

02/24/2014 at 10:41 pm

@adrz74 said:
I also use the echo effect and two-second pause between lines. There is a great deal about her being open to me, surrendering to me, being obedient to me. I also “borrowed” Fizbin’s opening lines about “inner voice” and “always feeling this way” (Thanks Fiz!)

Glad to share! This is all about building on each others’ experiences. The “inner voice” stuff is actually derived from Trainer’s Amy Converter and Ownership series.

[trainer81]

02/25/2014 at 4:35 pm

@J66R said:
I wonder is that “asking permission” to suck your cock part of you sub or one of your openly stated “rules”.
If part of a sub I’m interested in the wording of those lines.

Asking permission is something I’ve openly stated to her. It took a few times for her to realize I was serious and this was a permanent rule for her to follow. I assume you’ve tried WCS? My wife was already good about giving bj’s before that, and that brought out her aggressive side. That was fun, but I’m really trying to move her in the direction of being a proper sub/slave. Part of what that means (to me) is that she’s always ready for sex, but I’m the one who initiates. And she seems to love the idea of surrender – look at this text exchange from the day after she “tranced out” during sex:

Her: I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out
Me: Figure out what?
Her: That just being open with you – giving myself to you completely – was the source of true pleasure

Then I told her she was my vessel again.

[J66R]

02/26/2014 at 10:31 pm

All I can say is “OUTSTANDING!”

Her final statement is what I honestly truly believe my wife would feel if she were to be completely open and give herself completely to me.

[Qwerty]

02/27/2014 at 3:16 am

Congrats adrz. Sounds like you are making great progress. Remember to keep the script going as is though so that the once offs become the norm and the desired response. Looking forward to hearing more.

[trainer81]

02/27/2014 at 2:49 pm

Making her ask permission is something I’ve done in different ways for a couple years.

In “Passionate Marriage” (which I referenced above), the author makes the point that the partner with the lower desire for sex controls how much sex the couple has. This is one of those brilliantly simple statements that is obvious when you hear it even if you never thought of it that way before.

I have no intention of lowering my desire, but could I get my wife’s desire past mine, and thus be the “controlling” partner? That is something I’m working on. Right now, I definitely have the overall greater desire. But within individual sexual encounters, it is clear to me that I can get her to a point where her desire is off the charts.

For instance, there have been countless times where I’d go down on her, and I’d be perfectly happy to tease her, play with her, for as long as she could stand, but she’d eventually get to a point where she’d say, “I need you inside me.” This was back in my ‘nice guy’ days, so I usually jumped at the chance and we’d have sex.

But now, I’ve gotten a little more self-control and I’ve been able to leverage the power I have in that situation. My goal in giving her oral sex isn’t to bring her to orgasm, but to get her right up to it until she’s going crazy. The closer she gets, the slower I go, until she’s begging me to make her cum. I typically don’t make her cum with oral anymore, just get her real close, and have her beg me to fuck her. She usually won’t talk dirty without a little encouragement from me, but when she’s that turned on, she’ll say almost anything.

[trainer81]

02/27/2014 at 2:58 pm

So she wants to get a hotel room this weekend. Wants to get away from the kids and really open herself to me fully. She also said she wants to make her bj’s even better!

Funny, after her best bj that I mentioned above, I told her she was like an “eager puppy.” Really, it was the wild enthusiasm that made it the best ever. She must have loved that phrase, because this morning, she said the puppy was coming back this weekend. (I swear that I have NOT been playing any of the animal files.)

[seekenq]

03/05/2014 at 5:14 am

@adrz74 said:

I have, quite literally, completely changed myself as a man in the past three months. Some books that I read to help me get in the right direction were “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover and “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch. One first step was to stop the “covert contracts” for sex. This is Glover’s idea that “nice guys” will do X for their woman with the unstated expectation that the woman will repay with sex. As some of you probably know from experience, the end result of this is usually either no sex or unsatisfying sex.

Adrz:

Thank you so much!
Based on your recommendation I picked up a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy. Absolutely amazing.
In almost every chapter I found myself thinking yep, that sounds just like me.
I recognized many behaviors that either I used to do but have eliminated or I still do today.
Covert contracts is a great example.
I realized that I had set up a covert contract with myself last weekend and, as you would expect, was angry / frustrated when she did not live up to it.

Yesterday, I had a sit down talk with my wife and gave her a brief overview of the premise of the book.
I explained that I needed to make some changes to my behavior and the nature of our relationship.
She thanked me and said the No More Mr. Nice Guy me was man she fell in love with.
Later that day she said she already did a couple of the things I told her to do (rearranging her schedule so she would have more energy for sex).
That night I demanded and received sex without the normal I am too tired excuse (even though she had a very long and tiring day).

Thanks again for the book referral – it is already making a huge difference.
Today I ordered “Passionate Marriage” – should be here later this week.

[trainer81]

03/05/2014 at 4:07 pm

seekenq – Great to hear! Good luck going forward…

Another book I’m reading is “Vagina” by Naomi Wolf. The science is fascinating, the politics I could do without.

Here’s an article on the book: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/09/23/naomi-wolf-vagina/

I think we’re all accustomed to our women claiming the need to be relaxed or “in the mood” in order for sex to happen. Seduce the mind and the body will follow, right? But the book challenges that claim a bit – it isn’t a one way street, apparently it works both ways. Wolf has lots of examples of women who had bursts of creativity while simultaneously having passionate love affairs. So if you keep the pussy happy, the brain can do amazing things.

Now we just need to convince our women that this is true.

[trainer81]

03/10/2014 at 3:27 pm

So the book “Passionate Marriage” mentions how marriages alternate between two cycles – the growth cycle and the comfort cycle. A healthy marriage needs both. Couples who are always growing tend to burn out and couples who stay in the comfort cycle tend to stagnate.

I’ve been encouraging quite a bit of growth over the past three or four months, and my wife has been responding very favorably. I mentioned to her how exciting it has been to “push boundaries” with her and explore new avenues. She agreed, but she seemed hesitant to keep pushing forward and even mentioned that we should make sure we enjoy where we’re at and how far we’ve come.

In terms of the book, it seems like she’s asking for a break from the growth cycle and looking for some time in the comfort cycle. This goes back to something all of us keep harping on – patience! The funny thing is I haven’t changed my script in three months so I’ve been incredibly patient there, but because it’s so general, I’ve been pushing forward with her consciously. I’ve been writing her erotic stories, telling her fantasies, sending her dirty texts, etc. She’s been amazingly receptive to all of it, but I think she may be starting to feel like it’s never good enough since I keep pushing forward.

My plan now is to not try anything new for a few weeks and continue to get her comfortable with our “new normal.” For instance, I love making her undress and pose for me, and her shyness is clearly disappearing. She used to just remove her clothes and stand naked in front of me, clearly uncomfortable, but now she does a little strip tease with a seductive smile. I walked in on her taking a bath this weekend. When she saw me, she very slowly spread her legs open wide to give me a nice view…

While I consciously stay in this comfort cycle, I think now may be the time to move on to a new script, one with more specificity. If all goes according to plan, she will start coming up with new ideas (thanks to the subliminals) and will be the one to push us forward to the next growth cycle in the coming weeks.

[seekenq]

03/10/2014 at 3:45 pm

Adrz74:

Thanks for the insight.
I just started reading it myself (based on the recommendation here).
In this parlance I think I am in a comfort cycle and need to push forward into to new growth cycle.
I was working on a couple new scripts but now I think I’ll hold off until I read the book.

Would anyone support addition of book / website review section in the gold forums ?
Might be good way to concentrate outside useful information in one place.

[trainer81]

03/11/2014 at 2:15 pm

So soon after I wrote the above post, I fired off an email to my wife that said a lot of the same things. I explained to her about growth cycle vs. comfort cycle and told her that I had this realization that I kept charging forward, pushing for more. I made it very clear to her that I’ve loved how responsive she has been to all the recent changes, but I also now recognize the need for a “break” from our growth cycle and to just enjoy where we are.

She was busy at work, but let me know she had some thoughts and wanted to talk when she got home. So when we finally got a chance to talk, she told me that my email made her feel completely understood and that I was right, she really needed a break. She was beginning to feel like whatever she did wasn’t good enough because I was always pushing for more. I assured her that wasn’t the case, that I loved how wonderful she’s been, and that I was pushing out of excitement for having become a changed man, not because I wasn’t satisfied with what we had done.

In the email, I snuck this in: “I know now that there is literally nothing that you would ever deny me. I just need to be more cognizant of where you are emotionally and not push you before you’re ready.” It was a calculated risk on my part, as the email itself was acknowledging the need to slow down, but I wanted to also make the point that our growth would continue at some point. Not only that, but to come out and say that I know she wouldn’t deny me *anything* was rather bold, if I do say so myself.

She didn’t mention that part of the email, but as we were falling asleep, with her head on my chest, I told her I loved her and then whispered, “Tell me you’ll do anything for me.” (I like telling her to “tell me” something – when they say the words themselves, I think it makes it more real for them.) She squeezed me and said, “I love you.” I thought about repeating myself, but after a pause, she whispered back, “I would do anything for you.” Hmm, that sounds like a line that should immediately go into a script!

One other thing she brought up last night, unrelated to the above, but definitely worth noting… She said she was feeling very emotional/nostalgic this weekend (our oldest turned 10). I thought she was going to say something about the kids or being parents, but the conversation took a strange turn – she said she wasn’t at all afraid of dying, but that she was terribly afraid of waking up one morning and knowing that I would not be there and never would be again. (We’ve long lived with the assumption that I will die first. I’m five years older, women have longer lifespans, the men in my family die young, the women in her family live forever.) Then she started crying, which is unusual for her.

We say “I love you” to each other all the time and try to come up with ways of saying how deep our love is, etc… But I can’t remember ever being so struck by the depth of her love for me than in that moment. My current script is one that attempts to strengthen her emotional bond to me. It is too general for me to ever be able to say scientifically whether it works or doesn’t. But after last night, I’m definitely a believer that it’s working.

[adrz74]

03/18/2014 at 4:23 pm

Interesting development…

Last night we started fooling around. As we got undressed and I “sprung” free, she glanced down at me and said that I make her mouth water. That’s not terribly unusual, she’s said that before. But then she added a comment about how it’s almost becoming automatic for her mouth to water at the sight of me. I teased her a bit before letting her go at it, and she really was kind of overflowing with saliva.

This had happened once before, where we got naked and I tried to kiss her and she wouldn’t let me because her mouth was “gross” due to the amount of saliva. So I settled for putting my cock in her mouth instead.

I’ve been playing the same track for months now, so this morning, I double-checked the affirmations, and there’s nothing about this on the current track. But I had made two previous tracks that both included the line “Thinking about my husband’s cock makes my mouth water.” I didn’t think that the tracks were that effective and I probably only played them for about a month. Yet here we are, several months later, and she’s turning into a drooling machine…

[FaustsBoon]

03/18/2014 at 4:28 pm

Sounds like a good problem to have. Congrats man!

[adrz74]

03/18/2014 at 4:46 pm

@FaustsBoon said:

Sounds like a good problem to have. Congrats man!

LOL

Not complaining at all. But, in the interest of science, I thought I’d bring this up since she seems to be reacting to an old and currently unused affirmation.

She has, at times, said to me, “You make my mouth water.” The fact that she said that encouraged me to put it into a script. But those scripts haven’t run since Christmas. And the current script has ZERO about blow jobs. The affirmations are much more general.

Very interesting…

[tonguester4_69]

03/18/2014 at 5:11 pm

That does seem to happen. I’ve experienced similar things with my wife, even with things we discuss. I’ll mention something I like, and drop it after pounding it for a while, then later on it’ll manifest itself. A control thing, maybe?

[eldrin81]

03/18/2014 at 7:37 pm

@adrz74 said:

@FaustsBoon said:

Sounds like a good problem to have. Congrats man!

LOL

Not complaining at all. But, in the interest of science, I thought I’d bring this up since she seems to be reacting to an old and currently unused affirmation.

She has, at times, said to me, “You make my mouth water.” The fact that she said that encouraged me to put it into a script. But those scripts haven’t run since Christmas. And the current script has ZERO about blow jobs. The affirmations are much more general.

Very interesting…

Could be that the affirmation took hold permanently during its tenure, but she never really expressed or told you how she ‘felt’.

[adrz74]

03/19/2014 at 1:43 pm

@eldrin81 said:

@adrz74 said:

@FaustsBoon said:

Sounds like a good problem to have. Congrats man!

LOL

Not complaining at all. But, in the interest of science, I thought I’d bring this up since she seems to be reacting to an old and currently unused affirmation.

She has, at times, said to me, “You make my mouth water.” The fact that she said that encouraged me to put it into a script. But those scripts haven’t run since Christmas. And the current script has ZERO about blow jobs. The affirmations are much more general.

Very interesting…

Could be that the affirmation took hold permanently during its tenure, but she never really expressed or told you how she ‘felt’.

She’s told me that I make her mouth water. In fact, I’ve even leveraged that somewhat – when we flirt via text, I’ll try to get her excited and then ask whether I’m making her mouth water and she always responds yes.

But to your point, I never really thought anything was actually happening physically, I just assumed that was her way of being sexy and indicating to me that she wanted me. It’s only in the past month or so that she seems to have gotten almost overwhelmed by the physical reaction she’s had. But now that I think about it, she does seem more “lubricated” now than she used to be. (If anyone is wondering, yes, there was also an affirmation about her pussy getting wet, and yes, that also seems more lubricated these days…)

Yesterday, I sent her a text that she was my “Pavlovian wife.” She didn’t respond to it, so I wondered if saying that bothered her for some reason. But last night in bed, she shyly admitted to me that she likes being Pavlovian, even it seems to be getting a little out of control.

I definitely want to use this going forward. I’ve told her how much I love that her body responds to me, and she seems to be gradually giving up control in the bedroom. Working on a new script today. Will let you guys know how it goes…

[FaustsBoon]

03/19/2014 at 5:54 pm

Just a tiny note, but remember to not let small successes result in a disproportionate response. I know I was guilty on a few occasions of seeing some positive result, and immediately jumping to change scripts to leverage it, rather than just keep letting it *ahem* soak up, and take hold. The result was always a net loss.

[adrz74]

03/19/2014 at 7:25 pm

I totally agree. But my current script doesn’t mention this stuff at all, which is why I’m looking to use it in the next script. She’s been on the same script for about three months, so I don’t think I’m rushing. With Spring Break coming up and me still working on editing several versions of the new script, I’m not gonna start a new playlist until April at this point.

[adrz74]

03/30/2014 at 7:58 pm

The subconscious mind is a fascinating thing…

I started new subs with the wife, including one that was focused on oral. She’s always been good at oral, but this kind of put it on steroids. She’s funny, she doesn’t gag when I go deep, but she does gag when I cum, so she has trouble swallowing.

The first week, she was super stressed with work, so nothing happened. Then we went on vacation, and a couple nights in, she gave me a blow job. As I got close, I told her to “swallow me like a good wife.” She actually paused and said, “I can’t.” Nevertheless, she went right back to sucking me and I was rather confused as to what to say or do at her direct defiance. Next thing I know, I’m coming, and she swallows it all. She looks up at me with this fascinated look and says, “My God, you taste amazing!!” I’m still recovering, but I finally ask, “Why did you say you couldn’t swallow it all?” She starts laughing and says, “I don’t know.” While this is probably bordering on TMI, since I hadn’t cum in over a week, I had quite a bit more than usual, so it was even more surprising that she didn’t gag at all.

As we continue to talk, she informs me that I tasted very sweet — specifically, I tasted like a mix of apple pie and cheesecake. I asked whether I was salty at all and she said no. She said every time before, I tasted like salty pear juice. LOL.

I got another BJ two days later, same result – apple pie and cheesecake.

As I was on vacation and didn’t have my computer with me, I didn’t know what the specific affirmations of the new subs were, so I had to wait until today to look them up. Now that I’ve done so, I’m still not sure where this is coming from – the affirmations say how she loves to swallow, but nothing about how she loves the taste or how the taste is sweet or anything like that. I’m guessing her subconscious filled in the gap somehow, and changed the way I taste to make the affirmations true for her. (Note: I’ve read various erotic hypnosis blogs/articles where such a thing is possible – you can hypnotize a woman to think your cum tastes like chocolate or strawberries or whatever.)

Anyway, I think this is something to keep in mind if there is any vagueness in your affirmations. The subconscious fills in the gaps if you do not specify. In this case, it has certainly worked out for me. But that won’t always be the case.

[eldrin81]

03/30/2014 at 8:34 pm

Ya taste is mold able even by conscious effort. I used to hate coffee. But during my initial attempts with intermittent fasting I learned to like it because if it’s appetite suppression. Now I love the taste of the stuff. Still it must’ve been a rush to get such a glowing response she is probably just associated the perceived taste with something she knows, kinda like how people think everything tastes like chicken. Might be something to exploit

You are certainly right about vagueness though. This is sometimes the result of a words perceived meaning, or lack of understanding of it.

[adrz74]

03/30/2014 at 10:05 pm

What’s even more strange is that her subconscious came up with an entirely new kind of taste. It would have been one thing if she said it tasted like chocolate or a specific favorite dessert, but a combination of two different desserts is very odd. Not that I’m complaining.

[eldrin81]

03/30/2014 at 11:43 pm

The mind is good at creatively filling in he gaps with its own perceptions and assumptions. Looking at clouds for instance. One person sees something, another sees a totally different thing, unless you tell the person what you saw first. Then colored by that information they will see what you did.

[eldrin81]

03/30/2014 at 11:44 pm

Might make a good use of a trigger script or exploit the flavor in a script somehow though

[adrz74]

03/31/2014 at 3:16 pm

@eldrin81 said:

Might make a good use of a trigger script or exploit the flavor in a script somehow though

Good idea… will have to think about this.

She’s still totally Pavlovian – we were talking about BJs at dinner one night last week and she almost started drooling right there.

She’s even been referring to herself as “Pavlov wife,” LOL… I keep encouraging her – saying how I love how her body reacts to me and how she can’t even control her reactions to me. I also told her she’s becoming a well-trained wife. She didn’t object, so that’s another phrase I could throw into the subliminals…

[FaustsBoon]

04/01/2014 at 6:02 pm

Sounds like amazing successes all around. Congrats, man. Keep it up, and enjoy all those *ahem* sweet, rewards.

As for the power of the mind, in particularly when flavor is involved… it really is wild.

They say in survival situations our bodies, on genetic memory alone, will crave things we’ve never tasted if we need the nutrients there-in. People surviving at sea, for example, will suddenly crave fish eye-balls… have no idea why, and claim they loved the taste… which is in actuality our body tricking us into seeking a readily available source of Vitamin-C.

Science is awesome. :-p

[eldrin81]

04/01/2014 at 6:42 pm

Lol. Yes, her husband’s sperm is a good source of nutrients. Thats a doozy to throw at the wife. Drink my nectar honey, its good for you. ;P

[adrz74]

04/01/2014 at 8:59 pm

OK, so I don’t think this is entirely related to the subliminals, but I’ll throw it out there anyway…

About a month ago, my wife decided to get a tummy tuck. Surgery is coming up in a few weeks. (While it is rather expensive, we did come into some inheritance money recently that is hers, so while I’ve played the role of the good supportive husband – “Honey, you don’t need surgery, your body is perfect!” – I’m not terribly opposed after having looked at before/after photos of other women.) Technically, I did have a line in my old script about her looking good for her husband. Based on her reaction to the new script, with the apple/cheesecake flavor, I do wonder whether the line in the old script pushed her over the edge. Frankly, she has mentioned plastic surgery on and off throughout our marriage because she is always unhappy with *some* part of her body. This goes back way before the subliminals. But did the combination of a way to pay for it along with the affirmation of looking good for her husband give her just enough of a nudge to really pursue this? Hard to say…

As surgery approaches, she has said frequently how she will be “flaunting” herself in front of me. She is excited to wear lingerie, bikinis, etc. and that I will come to be “worn out” by her. While I am definitely excited at this prospect, I’m taking it somewhat with a grain of salt – she does have a tendency to over-promise and under-deliver. This may not seem obvious from my journal, so I should point out that the quality of sex with her recently has been amazing, but the quantity is still lacking (IMO). I try not to make a big deal out of it when she flakes out on me, but I make sure to totally take charge on the times when she is into it. So far that’s been my strategy to deal with that issue.

[adrz74]

04/24/2014 at 3:26 am

So she had her surgery last Friday. I thought it prudent to not play sex-based scripts while she was recovering. That lasted three days, lol… I played my oral script for her the last two nights and then this morning I asked when she thought she might be ready to give me a blow job since sex is out for a couple weeks. She said she’d like to try right away.

I will never EVER forget, as I lay down naked on our bed, how she looked at me and said, “Thank you for giving me this opportunity,” and then proceeded to give me an amazing BJ. Afterwards I told her how amazing it was and she said she enjoyed every minute of it and offered to do it as often as I wanted.

Additionally, she has been talking nonstop about how she is going to have much more confidence in herself and her body after her tummy tuck. She said she wants to be more adventurous and much less inhibited. Can’t wait…

[adrz74]

04/25/2014 at 3:19 am

After I dropped the kids off at school this morning, I got a text from my wife, still in bed recovering: “Want a blow job when you come home?” When would I ever say no to that question?

Today was the first day that I really felt comfortable leaving her home alone since her surgery, so I was running errands most of the day. She, apparently, was researching blow jobs online. By the time I got home, she had arranged for her parents to take the kids to the movies on Saturday night and she now has a whole “menu” of things she wants to try on me while we have the house to ourselves.

[gtbear]

04/25/2014 at 5:14 am

adrz,

How sweet it is… I just love hearing these sorts of reports er make that reading them.

A note about surgery, post surgery can bring some depression from the anesthesia… easy does it and keep your eyes peeled just in case.

[adrz74]

05/19/2014 at 2:57 pm

So…

I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that things continue to progress in amazing ways. The bad news is I literally have NO idea how this is happening.

OK, so it’s been four weeks since her surgery and I have to say she looks amazing. If you’ve got some spare cash and a wife who’s been stretched out from pregnancy, a tummy tuck is totally worth it. Additionally, she’s still not even close to as small as she’s going to get. Might even motivate me to lose this beer belly…

Anyway, her pain has subsided enough that she can get around normally, but she’s not really in good shape for sex. We’ve done it twice in four weeks and it’s resulted in some pain for her, so we’re trying to hold off.

That said, she’s been unbelievable in how her attitude has changed. Everything she had promised has come true so far. She is wearing sexy pajamas or lingerie every night. She even touches up her makeup. Last week, she decided she wanted to learn how to strip tease/lap dance, so she’s been watching videos online and “practicing” on me. The first couple of weeks after surgery, she would happily blow me, but she’d be on top while I laid on the bed, which was the most comfortable for her. Not to complain, but as enjoyable as that is, it feels like I’m the submissive.

So then we changed it up and now I sit in the chair in the corner of our room and she kneels in front of me. Much better in terms of dom/sub roles. We did that for a week, and last week she started performing for me. And I’m kind of amazed at how good she is. Now she’s talking about taking pole dancing classes. I’m looking at buying one of those portable stripper poles for our house.

A few other things to report: she tried on bikinis yesterday, which she hasn’t worn since giving birth. This summer is going to be amazing. She said we should have sex every night because there’s really no downside. I told her she should start stretching to enhance her flexibility and she loved the idea. I told her I want to get a hotel room for the night and have her be my “escort” – she got really excited by that idea, immediately came up with her “stage name,” talked about haggling over various sex acts, etc.

But in looking at my scripts, I’m not sure where this is all coming from. I played one script for several months (called “wife surrender” in another forum) that had few specifics. Just talked a lot about general attitude towards sex and towards me. Recently, I’ve been playing a “cock craving” script and a trust script. Additionally, I got a new phone on May 8, and until last night, hadn’t played *any* scripts since then.

So I think there are several possibilities here. One is that she has many fantasies of her own, and the vagueness of the wife surrender script brought those to the surface. I mention surrendering to me, serving me, etc., but what does that really mean? I suppose her subconscious fills in the gap. One specific I did mention in that script is wearing sexy clothes and makeup. And that one seems to have come to fruition.

But that is an older script – the scripts on trust and cock craving were more recent, and much more focused on specific behaviors. Certainly not the behaviors she has been exhibiting recently, not that I’m complaining. And then ten days with no script and she still is seemingly more sexual every day…

In some of my casual research into the subconscious, I’ve read about how researchers now believe that certain breakthrough ideas come about because the subconscious is working on problems of importance to us constantly. Personally, I can remember studying for my Ph.D. exams and struggling with the material as I pored over textbooks, but if I put the material aside for a few days and came back to it later, I suddenly understood it almost perfectly. I think it’s a phenomenon we’ve all experienced in some way.

I kind of wonder if taking short breaks from playing scripts is a good idea overall so that the subconscious can “fill in the gaps” on its own. I really have no idea, it’s just one hypothesis I’ve come up with.

Again, I’m not complaining AT ALL because I’m ecstatic about where we are. Even so, it is a bit frustrating to have no idea how we got here. I feel like I have no useful information to share with the group and I’m not even sure what the next step for me should be. She has a short trip this week, so I’ll just continue the two scripts for the next few days, and then look at writing some new ones for when she gets back. I will probably focus it on hypnosis. She has agreed to try hypnosis as therapy (for her stress, pain, etc.), but she seems kind of wary about erotic hypnosis, so I’d like to break down that wall.

[Fizbin]

05/19/2014 at 4:59 pm

First, congratulations on the wife upgrades (physical and psychological)!

Yes, the subconscious will fill in the gaps, though (as you have seen) just how isn’t always predictable. In addition, if you look through the forums, you will I have always been an advocate of giving periodic breaks, whether to avoid fatigue, or just to allow the subconscious time to process. Trainer’s own original recommendations were to just play ONE of his files (which repeats several times internally) one or two times per day. The whole immersion thing, and blocking up several files at once, is relatively new.

[adrz74]

05/19/2014 at 6:10 pm

Thanks for the reminder about the breaks. Maybe I’ll leave it off for the next couple days since she’s going away, and work on a new “accepting hypnosis” script for her return…

Just exchanged emails with her. She said she loves learning new stuff and hopes I never get bored with her. I told her every day she’s becoming more and more the perfect wife for me.

[seekenq]

05/20/2014 at 3:51 am

Adrz:

Sounds like a great breakthrough.
My hit on it when reading your post was she had the thoughts but they were kept at bay by a self image / body insecurity issue.
The surgery cleared the self image / body insecurity and all the pent up desires came spilling out.

Have you thought about a script on self image reinforcement with emphasis feeling good when being sexual.
Giving reinforcement to the subconscious for all positive things she is doing and proposing extending them to where you want them to be.

If you do develop a Hypnosis script please share it with the group.
I’ve been thinking of doing one but have not gotten “a round tuit”.

Best of luck and congrats !

[adrz74]

05/20/2014 at 2:22 pm

You could definitely be onto something there, seekenq… I should probably go back and look at all the scripts I’ve run over the past year and see whether that helps me figure this out. But I think you’re right – it feels like these sexual urges were building up inside her, coming out a little at a time, but mostly hitting a wall due to her self image. Now that that negativity is gone, the wall has crumbled and she’s become more sexual than I’ve ever seen her. (Which is saying something considering how we were in college.)

I’ve been doing a LOT of positive reinforcement consciously. And I’m frankly amazed at how positive she has been. In the past, she’s been so critical of her body, even when it looked great. I didn’t think surgery would fix her overall attitude because I was never convinced that she was seeing her body accurately. But now, she comes home from work, changes into sexy (but modest) pajamas while the kids are awake, and then dresses up for me after they go to bed. She spends the whole evening teasing me, and clearly loves the effect she’s having on me. She keeps telling me that I can’t handle this new wife. I tell her the only thing I can’t handle is the fact that she’s still too sore for me to manhandle her and that what she really needs is for me to put her on all fours, grab her hips and fuck her senseless from behind. I seriously have no filter anymore. Whatever my fantasy is, whatever I’m thinking about doing to her sexually, I just tell her. I can’t remember the last time I got a negative reaction from it.

So there is one specific affirmation that has definitely come through. I totally forgot I put it in there, but there’s an affirmation in my cock craving script about sucking on my balls. A few weeks ago, she brought it up after reading something in a women’s magazine about how much men like it. It’s not like she avoided my balls, but she didn’t focus on them either. In the interest of seeing how far she would go, I exaggerated the extent to which I enjoy that activity, and she spent a LONG time massaging, kissing, caressing, sucking. When it was over, she told me she loved that part of it and apologized for ignoring that part of me for so long. Since then, every BJ includes a significant ball-sucking component.

I also have an affirmation that says, “each and every day, in each and every way, I become a better wife to my husband.” I think this has been manifesting itself as well – she’s always asking me what she can do better. Even after she “blows” me away, she’ll ask what I liked, what I didn’t like, how she can improve.